I’ve gotten better over the years, but I’m still a crier. I cry easily. If I’m feeling any emotion strongly, I cry. If I’m really tired, really hungry, really happy, sad, angry, frustrated, confused, nervous…my body copes by producing tears. Sometimes uncontrollably. A sentimental commercial, a good song, a corny TV show, I often find myself tearing up and trying to hide it from people around me.
The first man I ever made out with I only made out with twice. The first night I kept my shit together. But by the second night I broke down. It was too much, too fast, too overwhelming. And he was only visiting for the weekend so I was distraught over what would happen when he left.
Needless to say, my sob-fest (while in bed with him, mind you) did nothing for our future. He ended things shortly after that.
At the time, I blamed myself. I was furious at myself for not being better at controlling my emotions. I was embarrassed and ashamed. I was mad I wasn’t more physically experienced.
Years later I now can see that I didn’t do anything wrong. We were both immature and in over our heads and the situation was a good reminder that neither of us were ready for each other. Since then I’ve cried while in bed with other boyfriends and they’ve held me, stuck around the next day, and allowed me to momentarily freak out about life.
Our bodies often betray us in the most inopportune moments. Be kind to yourself and allow it to happen. Remind yourself that you’re learning still (we are always learning) and you’re doing your best to grow. As much as we want to be like Grace Kelly, sweeping into rooms in gowns designed by Edith Head, life doesn’t help us out that way. More often than not we find ourselves more resembling the bathroom scene in Bridesmaids: At the wrong place at the wrong time, our bodies responding inappropriately.
Have you broken down and cried at any awkward times? Maybe while buying a train ticket or trying to find a bathroom in a mall? Anyone?
Job interviews. Conferences with professors. Doctors’ offices (when nothing is actually wrong with me). Buying a latte before leaving Spokane. When aren’t I crying?