I started this blog last year after thinking about it for a long time. Mainly because of the fact that I’ve never felt more conscious of my anxiety than when I tried to date. And I felt like such a late bloomer. While all my friends were dating, kissing crushes, sleeping with people, I was trapped in a cyclone of obsessive distant crushes and dramatic facebook messages with boys I couldn’t talk to in person. I felt like an oddball.
I started this blog because the first times I went to see a therapist were because I needed to talk about my anxiety with dating. I wanted to start dating. I was 20. I wanted to connect with another human on a more intimate level, but my anxiety was getting in the way.
I started this blog because if I went to a therapist to talk about my inability to date then I felt positive there were other people who were going through the same thing. Maybe our anxiety was manageable in other situations in life, but when it came to dating, we were handicapped by our anxiety.
I started this blog to talk about my dating experiences while living with anxiety.
But then I realized something: I don’t know a whole lot.
What do I know? Why should you listen to me? Trust me? Care?
I go through waves of insecurity over this blog. I know I have insights to offer, but I also know I’m still continually growing and learning. Still. I still make major mistakes in my relationship. I still struggle with major anxiety. I still feel clueless and so stunted at times.
I don’t claim to be an expert on dating with anxiety. I don’t want to sit here promising you all the clues and keys. But I want to share what I can because I want to be here with you. Because I know how it feels to feel hopeless and to sit crying in a bar bathroom because you once again feel alone and locked in your own rat trap of an anxiety-riddled brain.
I’ll still struggle with feeling insecure about what I’m supposed to write for this blog, but I’ll let it pass and I’ll sit back down and write.
What do I know? I know there are people out there who feel exactly how I feel or are going through what I’ve gone through. And that is pretty fucking cool. Hi there.