It often feels like this: If you’re single, and want to meet someone, you’re supposed to go to bars on the weekend and try to chat with attractive people like you’re some James Bond of your local neighborhood. Be cool
But what if you don’t like going to bars? Or you’ve been going to bars for years and years and years and have never come close to meeting anyone? Or you prefer to stay in watching Netflix on your Friday nights?
You’ll hear the usual advice. Join a club. Join a gym. Go to Farmer’s Markets. Meet through mutual friends. Speed dating. Online dating. Craigslist. Grocery Stores. Blind dates set up by your dentist (this is how I went on my one and only blind date).
The truth is, there are endless places on this Earth where you could potentially meet a special someone. People meet on dirty pee-filled subways, in grade school, in line for take-out, in times of war, in times of peace. People meet. But it feels impossible. I know from experience.
I could list as many ideas I could think of where you might meet a partner (maybe a future post will tackle this), but here’s what I’ve come to learn: this doesn’t mean anything until you change your state of mind.
The best place to meet someone new is from a place of open perspective.
I’ve previously signed up for a online dating services — some have cost money. And even though I was offered numerous appealing matches and I was spending quite a bit of money, I never met up with a single person. Not one. I messaged with some. Texted with others. Made tentative plans with a few. But didn’t meet a single one. I wasn’t ready.
It’s okay if you’re not ready. But before you start huffing & puffing over how you’re sick of the bar scene and you don’t know where to meet anyone, first do a little self-investigation. Try and gauge your level of openness. The height of your protective walls. The degree of your cynicism. I’m not saying it isn’t a clown car of misery trying to meet someone out in the world. It is. And you can’t always control when or where you’ll meet someone. But you do have control over your own perspective on the dating world. Try to stay open to possibilities. And sometimes putting on a pair of glasses that make you see the world through open-minded and bold eyes can make all the difference on who you see around you.
…does this mean I have to stop avoiding eye contact with people and fixing my face in the sternest, grumpiest expression to signal to all other humans that I want to be left ALONE??? Oh. :P
(One time, some MAN in wal-mart said hello to me, and I was TERRIFIED and left immediately. LOL!!!)
Haha I once had someone stop me in a parking lot, saying, “hey you dropped something!” and they kept pointing to the ground and I couldn’t see anything. They finally said, “you dropped your smile.”
That didn’t make me smile.