Wedding season hit me this year like a house dropping on the wicked witch of the east and my little legs are about to shrivel up after all the dancing to “Uptown Funk” I’ve gotta do.
I’m at the age where people are getting married. A lot of people. And even though weddings tend to make me feel existential (they make me feel a lot of feelings like hope, joy, anxiety, dread, and why-are-weddings-so-goddamn-expensiveitis) I always look forward to hearing the vows. I look forward to the vows because they feel like an anchor in the chaotic day.
This past weekend I was lucky enough to be part of the wedding of one of my dearest friends from middle school. I’ve known her for sixteen years and have known them as a couple for nine. As I stood and listened to their vows, small playful banter sprinkled between heartfelt vows of love, I was touched by how clearly they knew each other. They drilled down to the bone of each others needs, strengths, fears, and hopes. It was smack-you-in-the-face beautiful.
They have spent almost a decade doing their best to truly understand the other person, see them clearly, and move forward into a horizon of growth.
So I thought, shoot, you don’t need to get married to do this shit. We should all, always, be working towards perfecting our own vows. To ourselves.
We all need to be trying our hardest to understand who we are. We need to listen to what we need, what we want, and what our gut is trying to tell us. We need to see ourselves clearly. It’s important we choose to spend our lives with that person with both the positives and the working-to-improve-areas.
Sit down and write your vows to yourself. It is important to crystallize what you will do for yourself, for the rest of your life. What do you promise to do for yourself, every day, from this point forward?
I vow to treat myself with patience.
I vow to get to know my anxiety in the many different outfits it shows up in.
I vow to listen to what I need.
I vow to allow those needs to be ugly sometimes.
I vow to trust what I can’t see.
I vow to choose growth and knowledge.