I spent this past weekend with my partner’s family. His brother was visiting from Chicago and it was the first time, in a long time, that the entire family was together. I’ve known and loved his family for a few years now, but I’ve only recently become fully comfortable with them. Like truly comfortable. Like, can joke about my colon kind of comfortable.
But then something happened that disrupted that sense of comfort. Our routine changed tracks.
When we spend weekends with his family, I usually know what to expect. We usually eat dinner around 7 or 8pm. It usually includes some kind of salmon or steak or pasta variety with a side of salad and bread. There will be an option for dessert at the end.
Except this past weekend something new occurred. We went out to eat.
And for some reason, this triggered my anxiety. At first I had a difficult time understanding where my anxiety was coming from. I go out to eat all the time. I have eaten in restaurants with his family numerous times with absolutely normal results. And yet . . .
It took me a bit, but I remembered a recent blog post where I examined how transition times can affect my anxiety and I realized that’s all it was. In my mind I thought I knew what to expect from the day. I pictured us sitting around the table. I knew the type of water glass I would be holding and what the scenery around me would look like.
Once I remembered this, I took back the control. I identified why my anxiety was being churned up. Even at the age of twenty-nine I’m still finding ways to identify my anxiety patterns and bring awareness to how and why my anxiety is affected.
Continue to educate yourself, yo. You can do it.