Dating with Anxiety, Readers Questions
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Ask What You Want Wednesday | Facing Your Fears

What can an anxiety-ridden person do to stop pushing people away out of fear of love?

One of the best ways to approach this experience is by breaking it down into manageable steps. What I mean by this is: fear is a big, big word. Fear can feel like it controls our actions. And it will control our actions if we let it.

It can be overwhelming to not only try to overcome fear in our everyday lives, but to also think about overcoming fear in the face of love (which, in it of itself is another big, scary word).

Start by taking back control over the concept of fear. You can do this by spending some time to understand its origins. Where, do you think, this fear of love is coming from?

For example, if you are afraid of being hurt, try to evaluate why this is. Then, remind yourself of the strength you possess and your ability to overcome pain and sadness. Think of times in the past when you felt hurt and how you were able to grow from the experience. The stronger you start to see yourself every day, the stronger you will feel in entering a romantic relationship.

Or, if you are afraid someone will not want to be with you because of your anxiety, spend some time readjusting how you see yourself. Redefine what it means to be someone who lives with anxiety. Remember that anxiety, like most things in life, comes with both light and dark aspects. Bring those light traits into focus and remember that you are a compassionate and empathic person.

Look at your fear from various perspectives. Look at it through the lens of your childhood experiences. Through your family narratives. Through your level of self-confidence and self-worth. The better you are able to understand the roots of this tree of fear the better you’ll be able to cut it down.

Figure out where it’s coming from, get to the bottom of it. Then, start rebuilding. Remember that you deserve love.

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