As a lifelong holder of the”maybe you could chill the fuck out a bit” badge I know a thing or two about headaches.

I had them on an almost daily basis as a child until one day a dentist looked at my teeth and was like “hey, where are your canine teeth?” (*spoiler alert: I’d ground them away in my sleep like a hobo chewing on roots in the woods trying to talk to birds*).

Since then I’ve slept with a mouth guard every night of my life even while camping, even with boyfriends, even while making out sometimes cuz nothing says sexy like excessive saliva. The headaches got better and even though I still get them more frequently than I’d like, they are manageable.

But something has happened in the past few weeks. I’ve welcomed a new melody to my catalog of headaches. At first I thought it was the usual, good-old-fashioned almost-migraine headache. But something was different. It was like I was wearing an invisible baseball hat. Made for babies. Baby ants.

My scalp felt like it was shrinking up against my skull.

Since I have a history of my hair falling out (see previous post about my hair falling the fuck out) I’ve been worried that my tight-scalp is going to restrict the growth of what little hair I have left…or something else super scientific.

Either way, I’m positive I’m gona end up looking like one of these guys:

But as it turns out I’m just suffering from a timeless Tension Headache cuz cheese and crackers let’s just throw something else at the emotionally crippled girl, why don’t we??

I started a new freelancing job a few weeks back which, though I’m loving, has rattled my sense of routine. Jared and I are going on a big trip soon (raise your hand if you also lose sleep fixating on whether or not you’re going to have an anxiety attack on a 9-hour flight!!) and I’ve been sitting at my computer for 10+ hrs/day which means my bones and muscles all hate me.

But still, I kinda can’t believe my body is still finding new ways to make me feel weird. You know? I’m thirty, shouldn’t I already know the drill by now?

Like everything in life, I worry I’m not good enough. I worry I’m not trying hard enough. I worry about what I should have done differently in life. I worry about what I might do in the future (like get diarrhea on a 9-hour flight).

No wonder my scalp is shriveling up like a raisin.

**special thanks to my childhood cat, Lucky, for helping personify how my head is currently feeling. RIP lil’ buddy. (sorry for smashing your face like that)