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Talking About Dating Anxiety + Love on GROUP Podcast

When Rebecca Lee Douglas first reached out to me to ask if she could interview me for her podcast, GROUP, my knee-jerk reaction was to politely say “thank you, but no thank you.” I sometimes don’t even answer the phone when it’s people I love, what makes you think I wana jump on a call with a stranger?

Actually, I don’t even think I responded to her first email.

Rebecca Lee Douglas is the founder and producer of the podcast GROUP, which focuses on mental health. She brings experts in and discusses important mental health issues in a relatable, empathetic, and often humorous way. There are episodes on thought distortions, Seasonal Affective Disorder, and even emotional support animals. She’s amazing.

Buzzfeed recently named GROUP as one of the 27 Podcasts You Need to Start Listening To In 2018. In other words: Yas Qween!!

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So when she said she wanted to talk with me for a mini-Valentine’s Day episode my inner-voice-slash-confidence-that-I’m-still-working-on-everyday was like “nah, she doesn’t actually want to talk to me.”

But guys, Rebecca Lee Douglas is the coolest.

And my admiration for her (and acknowledgement of my own insecurities and fears) overshadowed my desire to avoid her. I’m so glad I took the chance because it was like talking to an old friend.

We chatted about love, dating, intimacy, and of course inappropriately timed digestive complications that can arise whilst trying to be romantic. She is honestly the loveliest person and I am so lucky to have been part of her show.

Click on the image above to listen. And subscribe to the show at the official GROUP podcast site, on iTunesStitcher or Acast.

She’s going to take over the podcast world and I hope we all cheer her along in the sidelines. In a world that continually breaks out hearts it’s vital we steer our eyes and hearts towards the people out there doing good.

GROUP, and Rebecca, are doing so much good. Thank you.

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Rebecca Lee Douglas

Rebecca Lee Douglas is a freelance journalist and multimedia producer.

Her stories focus on mental health and intersectional feminism.

She has Generalized Anxiety Disorder, which is sometimes super crappy, but is usually ok with therapy, sunshine, exercise, and friendship.

Besides talking about mental health and feminism, Rebecca enjoys the following things: all types of cheese (except for blue cheese – ew), dogs, napping, being outside, comedy, sour gummy candy, and horror films.

Follow her on Twitter @RebeccaLDouglas.

Taylor Swift Calvin Harris

Analysis of Lightning Bolts & Taylor Swift’s “…Ready for It?”

Let’s go back to the lightning bolts.

But first, I need to acknowledge how amazing this one theory is and how much it’s helped me put some things in perspective. This beautiful and insightful theory, by Fearlesslove13 & @shesdeads (brought to my attention via Buzzfeed) dove into the idea that the Taylors in the video are not good vs. evil. But instead, she is training. YES YES YES.

In their post they say:

this means that the darker taylor, the one in the hoodie, represents all of the old taylors, and the media’s perception of them.  she’s the one that recognizes the world is cruel, and trains the caged taylor because she wants her to be able to survive.  and by sacrificing that version of herself to protect her, she gives the now freed taylor the opportunity to start fresh, and maybe not end up the same way she did.

What I particularly love about this is their insight into the concept of “rebirth.” On how Taylor made the choice to redefine herself. In a sense, she knew she had to burn it all down in order to rise anew.

We are met with a “naked” Taylor who goes through multiple evolutions (basically, shedding one self for the next and the next). She tries to build armor, defend herself, fight back, look like “a bad guy” and when that doesn’t work she tries to be the pure white knight in armor atop of the white horse. But when that isn’t quite right either she has to return to just her bare bones/naked self.

In This is What You Came For we are introduced to Taylor and the lightning. “Lightning strikes every time she moves.” This, as pointed out in earlier posts, has to do with her inability to make even the slightest movement in 2015/early 2016 without the media attacking and striking her down/illuminating her every move.

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calvin harris / this is what you came for

BUT, she discovers the power in this. In …Ready for It? We literally see her discover the potential of all this power, the power in the lightning. And how they can define her reality. And we see her look around and notice the countless orbs of power around her (all the different alternate realities). We see her reaching out towards one…literally picking her own reality.

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Discovering the power, yo!

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Literally reaching out for that new reality!


THEN we see her harnessing that power. This is when she (and, according to my theory, CH) decided to use the power of the media —and all of us salivating conspiracy theorists—against us. They self-imploded, put up smoke screens, crafted fake narratives, disappeared into the night and allowed themselves to be alone in their newly formed reality.

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Learning how to harness that power, before breaking free.

The Taylor at the end of …Ready for It? is once again raw, naked and vulnerable JUST like the Taylor we are seeing in the clips from Call it What You Want. She’s returned to a more honest and naked form. But, it was at a price, which is why the Taylor at the end of …Ready for It sheds a tear. There are a lot of sacrifices you have to make and pain you need to go through to have privacy and to live as you wish.

Before TS & CH broke up they were leaving us clues about the lightning bolts. They were right there in front of us from the start. And when the drama queens and liars were tearing her down, she decided to at least do one thing right. She harnessed that power, held her love close and returned to her true self.




cover image cc: @taylorswift instagram

Why I Think Taylor Swift’s “Call It What You Want” is About Calvin Harris

I know I am beating the same drum over and over again, sitting here on the street corner shouting into the void. So I will keep this one short.

Call it What You Want is such a breathtakingly beautiful song, let’s just get that out of the way. The song + her raw/vulnerable/heartwarming videos = emotional perfection.

I understand people assume this song is about Joe. This is valid, fair, and understandable.

And while I completely admit I am guilty of confirmation bias, here is why I think the song is about Calvin Harris.

At the iHeartRadio Awards in April 2016, Taylor said this an acceptance speech:

“You know, for the first time, I had the most amazing person to come home to when the spotlight went out and the crowds were all gone. So I want to thank my boyfriend Adam for that.” 

Call it What You Want has the following lyrics:

Windows boarded up after the storm
He built a fire just to keep me warm


Starry eyes sparking up my darkest night

I could unravel all the other ways this song makes me a stronger believer than ever (even with the November line thrown in there), but I’m keeping it short and sweet. Because damn, those video clips and lyrics made me FEEL things.

Go find your happiness in life. Because you’ve earned a great one.

Calvin Harris and Taylor Swift

Taylor Swift’s “Gorgeous” & Calvin Harris’ “Olé”: Smooth Beats, Yo

Last year, in the comments of my post “I Still Think I’m Right About Taylor Swift…” someone named Jenny drew my attention to Harris’ song Olé. 

Girl blew my mind because the lyrics basically confirmed my theory that TS & CH were secretly still dating. (Jenny, if you’re reading this, I’m still grateful for your crazy-smart brain!!)

The song sorta flew under the radar since it was sung by John Newman and was never on an album. But CH wrote it, produced it, etc etc, it’s his baby through and through.

Here’s a sneak peek of those lyrics:

Lowkey, you won’t tell none of your friends about me
You won’t tell them I occupy your dreams and your thoughts
Look at what we have started

I ain’t seen you or been with you for weeks
But I see online that you’ve begun to be
A good girl and take trips with your boyfriend
Being attentive, continue to pretend

You’ve hidden my name on your phone so you can
Call me to tell me you’ve been going through hell
Left him alone and you booked in a hotel

Released as a digital download on July 8, 2016, this song is still listed under CH’s wikipedia with a TBA album. (Not TBD, as in to be determined, but TBA as in “to be announced” which implies it has a home, just hasn’t been announced yet).

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When Tay released Gorgeous I, along with a lot of people, were pretty underwhelmed with her lyrics. She literally says

You make me so happy it turns back to sad….it makes me so mad.

I love Taylor’s writing and so this was surprising to hear, to say the least.

BUT, I also know she’s smart as a fox (and knows places to hide). Gorgeous feels like a piece of unfinished work, like it could be part of something bigger.

(Sidenote: on October 20th — the day Gorgeous was released — CH tweeted that he was feeling extra blessed that day)

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And in comes Olé. When you play these two side by side, they totally complement each other. Listen to those smooth island beats in the background. When you get the just right even the bridges line up.

She mentions the blue ocean in her song, he has the blue ocean in his video. Just sayin’.

I’m not talented enough to align them musically, but even when you clumsily play them one on top of the other, it’s not painful to the ear. A groove could happen. These two songs could become one. TBA PEOPLE. TBA.



Is it all a coincidence? Or, could it be, they are both fakin’ it?….

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@CalvinHarris/ Twitter/ October 26 2017

Calvin Harris and Taylor Swift Secretly Dating

Is Taylor Swift’s New Video Linked to Calvin Harris?

For my four readers who read my previous Taylor Swift + Calvin Harris posts, I’m still here. I haven’t gone anywhere. And I’ve been right alongside all of you feverishly decoding T’s newest singles, art, and clues. This woman makes me feel alive.

I am in awe of everyone out there who unravels what is going on and shares. You guys are SLEUTHS. I don’t have the capacity to keep up with posting BUT I had to share these thoughts I’ve had today ever since she dropped her new teaser trailers for …Are You Ready for It?

If you go back and read my previous posts (namely, I’m Pretty Positive Taylor Swift & Calvin Harris are Still Dating) you’ll see why I was super excited to see her line “Baby let the games begin….are you ready for it?” since it feels like her and Calvin had to buckle up and hold on tight while their wild game began.

When I woke up this morning and saw the frozen shot for her new trailers I almost squealed because HELLO LIGHTNING BOLT. (Lightning strikes every time she moves, guys).

I went and spent some time with the video for This is What You Came For and that led me back over to the video for Look What You Made Me Do.

Let’s look at this:

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Calvin Harris/This is What You Came For

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@taylorswift/instagram/…Are You Ready for It?

“….lightning strikes every time she moves. But she’s looking at you.”

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Calvin Harris/This is What You Came For

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Calvin Harris/This is What You Came For

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Taylor Swift/Look What You Made Me Do

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Taylor Swift/Look What You Made Me Do

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Calvin Harris/This is What You Came For

The similar aesthetics of these shots are undeniable. It’s also so exciting to think these two songs could come together somehow, but I’m not sure how exactly that might happen. Except, OH WAIT, if they’ve been secretly dating this entire time then it’s totally easy.

When these are all put side-by-side, they may as well be the same video at first glance:

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Taylor, if you’re reading this, GIRL I SEE YOU. I’m in love. I’m living for it. As a poet in Seattle, your mastery of symbolism, attention to detail, and skill of word makes me so thrilled.

Keep going. We are ready for it. Baby, let the games begin.