All posts filed under: Confidence

Anxiety can make it feel like there is an audience and spotlight on you

How Anxiety Can Make it Feel Like There’s a Spotlight On You

There is something called the Spotlight Effect — where everyone, regardless if they have anxiety or not, feels there is a spotlight shining on them in one way or another. We are, after all, the lead in our own movies. However, anxiety can increase this spotlight, making you feel that every action you take and every word you utter, is noticed in great detail by the people around you. Anxiety often causes a person to over-analyze their actions and feel an increase in self-consciousness. If placed in a new or anxiety-producing situation this consciousness can increase. It might feel like there is a spotlight shining directly on you at all times. This may increase your anxiety and might even cause you to avoid situations where you predict you may feel extra self-conscious. The fear of other people noticing your imperfections may limit how much you’re willing to try new things. This is something to be especially cautious of if you’re hoping to enter the dating world. Before this spotlight effect keeps you from talking to …

Ask What You Want Wednesday | Starting Over

I have very recently ended a relationship of two+ years. We both knew near the end things were not going as they were before. He moved away due to his career and that is what amplified our problems. We were forced to talk more which neither of us are good at. Pulled out of comfort zones. He avoided and I clung. In the end he put his foot down and it likely was for the best. I’m going through intense “emdr” therapy to hopefully work through past traumas. He was my best friend and partner. He was my main support. I’m in a new city away from family for my career. I absolutely love my job and will not leave it. Though I want to move back home and hide away. I feel lost, my routine is mixed up and nothing feels solid anymore. We both are to “blame” for the relationship not working. We openly spoke about wanting different things, though I still feel I wanted to make it work. I cannot force someone …

Find the power within your mental health and body

The Strength Found in Fear and Anxiety

If you’re anything like me, the onset of intense anxiety or fear can make you feel powerless. It might make you feel hopeless or frustrated that, yes, you are here again and you do have these patterns of emotion. This can leave you feeling discouraged or disappointed in yourself. Have you had these moments? I’ve had a few in the past few weeks. And by a few I mean quite a few. So I recently went to the library to pick up some books on living in the moment. Aka, I went looking for Eckhart Tolle’s book, The Power of Now. I read it a few years back and decided it’d be a good time to reread it. Except they didn’t have any copies. And there were 25 holds on the book (wow, guys, we all want to know how to live in the now! how cool is that) So I did what I sometimes do when the book I want isn’t available: I pick a book at random and trust that it’s the book I should read …

If anxious about taking new steps while dating

Why We Struggle to Take New Steps

Taking new steps in life, steps that may require boldness or courage, are not always easy. And while external factors may be part of what holds us back (finances, family, job constraints) it is often our very selves that prove to be a roadblock. Maybe you want to talk to that cute girl in the grocery store. Or apply for a job you really want. Or you want to write a book. Do you hear the negative voices in your head? Do you feel the knee-jerk reaction to follow your usual routine? Do you find comfort in familiarity? Oftentimes, we are our biggest hindrance to taking risks. For three years I kept saying I wanted to write a romance novel. In High School I went through a phase where I read a Nora Roberts book a day. Not kidding. I consumed NR like a vacuum cleaner moving across her section of the used bookstore. At the age of 15, I “wrote” my “first romance novel.” It was short, immature, and terrible. But it was also …

How to talk to a crush if you're nervous shy or scared

Three Minutes of Terror: Starting a Conversation

When I took Speech 101 I learned that on the list of things most feared by humans, fear of public speaking is ranked above fear of death. What? Yep. And here’s what sucks: you usually have to talk when you’re on a date. Which, for someone with anxiety, is a horrifying thought. This is why, before anything, I always tell people they can opt to see a movie on a first date instead of grabbing coffee. If the idea of a first date makes you want to puke your guts out, find another option. It will allow you to get over the first date jitters and allow yourself to adjust and see you won’t die while on a date. During Speech 101 the teacher discussed the fight or flight reaction. When encountering a situation that is scary to us (public speaking, dating, talking to someone cute) our bodies automatically jump into fight or flight mode. Sweating, difficulty breathing, nausea, jumbled thoughts…basically our bodies betray us when we most need to be “cool.” But, here’s the …