All posts filed under: Confidence

How to talk to a crush if you're nervous shy or scared

Three Minutes of Terror: Starting a Conversation

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When I took Speech 101 I learned that on the list of things most feared by humans, fear of public speaking is ranked above fear of death. What? Yep. And here’s what sucks: you usually have to talk when you’re on a date. Which, for someone with anxiety, is a horrifying thought. This is why, before anything, I always tell people they can opt to see a movie on a first date instead of grabbing coffee. If the idea of a first date makes you want to puke your guts out, find another option. It will allow you to get over the first date jitters and allow yourself to adjust and see you won’t die while on a date. During Speech 101 the teacher discussed the fight or flight reaction. When encountering a situation that is scary to us (public speaking, dating, talking to someone cute) our bodies automatically jump into fight or flight mode. Sweating, difficulty breathing, nausea, jumbled thoughts…basically our bodies betray us when we most need to be “cool.” But, here’s the …

Ask What You Want Wednesday | College Confidence

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I’ve always been insecure about my body but now I’ve started gaining the freshmen 15 since I just started college. I recently came out of the closet and am struggling with a LOT of nerves over talking with guys I find attractive since I’m not feeling attractive myself.  I think before anything you should pause a moment to feel proud of yourself for having the courage to not only A) head off to college, but B) also the courage to be true to yourself and taking the first steps in leading a future of honesty and self-respect. Neither of these steps are easy. And for both of them you deserve a great deal of compassion and warmth. You’ve been true. You have been brave. And college is always a transitional time, especially when it comes to our personal beliefs and perspectives. We are tested. We grow and change. This can apply to all areas of our lives: personal relationships, faith, family, interests, and of course, our body images. Learning to love and accept your body (at …

When making a scary decision release them like a balloon and find courage

5 Tips for Finding Courage (I recently made a scary decision)

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1) Feel the Decision I can’t emphasize this enough: try to understand how you feel about a decision or situation. Not what you think you should feel. Or what you think others will feel. How do you feel? In your gut? In your heart? When you think of the situation, how do you feel physically? If you need a more concrete exercise write down all the adjectives you associate with your situation. 2) Learn to Categorize those Feelings Once you’ve started to figure out how you feel, then break it down even further. For example, one of the emotions I’m having is “fear.” But I don’t want that fear to control me or dictate the direction I’m taking. I want to understand where that fear is coming from. Here’s some of it: Fear of not finding another part-time job. Fear of my family being disappointed in me. Fear of not being able to pay my bills. Fear of not finding time to write. This allows me to see that, while I’m feeling afraid of making this change, …

Hattie C Cooper writes about what she knows or doesn't know

What Do I Know?

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I started this blog last year after thinking about it for a long time. Mainly because of the fact that I’ve never felt more conscious of my anxiety than when I tried to date. And I felt like such a late bloomer. While all my friends were dating, kissing crushes, sleeping with people, I was trapped in a cyclone of obsessive distant crushes and dramatic facebook messages with boys I couldn’t talk to in person. I felt like an oddball. I started this blog because the first times I went to see a therapist were because I needed to talk about my anxiety with dating. I wanted to start dating. I was 20. I  wanted to connect with another human on a more intimate level, but my anxiety was getting in the way. I started this blog because if I went to a therapist to talk about my inability to date then I felt positive there were other people who were going through the same thing. Maybe our anxiety was manageable in other situations in …

If you're feeling nervous or anxious about flying in an airplane

How Travel Makes My Anxiety Go Bananas

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A lot of us will be traveling this holiday season. Whether it’s in a car, a train, or an airplane, we move around this world towards people we love (or have conflicted relationships with) for the holidays. And if you’re like me, your anxiety heightens while you travel. I’ve had almost-panic attacks while in airports, airplanes, and in traffic. And, who knows, maybe some of them were real attacks. I wouldn’t go so far to say I suffer from real claustrophobia, but the feeling of being trapped definitely exacerbates my anxiety. Let’s have a little story time: I have a tiny bladder. And once, towards the end of a flight, I started feeling like I had to pee. The seatbelt sign was still on so I thought I could hold it until we landed. It got to the point where I couldn’t. Even though the plane was descending I unbuckled and started walking back in the aisle. A stewardess came towards me and told me to sit back down. After a few arguing moments she …