All posts filed under: Dating with Anxiety

Ask What You Want Wednesday: Holiday Distance Anxiety

Nearly two weeks ago I started spending time with a very lovely man who I met through mutual friends. Being with him is wonderful. He is very calm, kind, and we don’t stop talking. I feel as though I’m falling for him very quickly. Now, over the holidays, all I have to rely on for contact are very sparse texts. I’m an avid texter, and he’s not. I’ve heard this is just how he is and his friends all have difficulty getting in touch with him. Waiting for him to respond to me is torture. Having anxiety alongside feeling strongly for him very fast, then facing separation over the holidays has been an absolute nightmare. Dating and the holidays as separate concepts are bad enough for the anxious, but both together are horrific.   Do you have any advice on how I can chill the heck out over Christmas and trust that it will work out if it’s meant to? Okay, let me tell you right here right now THIS IS SUCH A COMMON EXPERIENCE. Not only do the holidays bring …

The Power of Choosing Your Love

The further I burrow into the messy and mulchy business of planning a wedding, the more I’ve been thinking about the concept of free will. I’ve been thinking about freedom of choice. Jared and I have “chosen” to have a rather large wedding and have “chosen” to make sure certain things are at this wedding (food, booze, music, hopefully a kickass magician) but in reality was it just societal pressure making the choice for us? Was it all preordained in the land of Martha Stewart and Pinterest? Did I even want an assortment of cheeses and crackers as an appetizer!?? (Yes. The answer is always “yes” when it comes to cheese). Anxiety often has the habit of grabbing hold of the reins and making it feel like we’re simply along for the ride. This can feel especially true when we are trying to pursue love in our lives. Wedding planning has definitely been poking awake my anxiety. Which then makes me think about how I got here. It has made me think a lot about how …

7 Weird But Effective Ways to Survive Thanksgiving with Your Significant Other’s Family

Let’s do this. Let’s survive Thanksgiving together. Wear Something Comfortable While you might think “I gotta wear something sharp! Something that makes me look respectable and responsible and just a little bit drop-dead-gorgeous because I want to IMPRESS” the honest truth is, the most important thing you can do is dress in a way that makes you feel like you. It can still be a new or nice outfit, but make sure it’s as comfortable as a baked potato in a down blanket (cozy as fuck). I’ve been going to Jared’s family’s house for years for Thanksgiving, but even this year I still went shopping for a dress that basically felt like pajamas (mission accomplished). Because, after all, your significant other’s family wants to get to know you-you not the version of you that is trying to ignore the Spanx cutting into her hip. If you’re feeling nervous or anxious or shy, dressing comfortably is one of the best ways to help yourself. Set “Disappear Plans” Beforehand The first time I went to Jared’s house for …

Ask What You Want Wednesday: Endless Texting Anxiety

I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 4 months now and no matter what I do, I cannot shake this constant anxiety over his texts. Now, it’s not like I don’t see this dude in person. I see him a solid 3-4X a week. I spend the entire weekend at his house. However, I instantly freak out when I don’t get a goodnight text or a good morning text. I constantly overanalyze his texts and question if he still wants to be with me or not. Then, lo and behold, I see him in person and he’s lovey dovey and great. I don’t bring up my pure panic when it comes to texting because it’s not his job to change who he is to make me feel better, especially when it comes to something so silly as texts. He and I have talked about his texting and he knows he is less than stellar and just says “Baby, just because I’m not texting you doesn’t mean I’m not thinking about you.”  What gives? How can …

15 Reasons It’s So Damn Scary to Fall in Love

1.If you grow to love someone deeply, to start building a life with them, to trust them, depend on them, believe in them, and dream with them, then you are at risk of losing everything. 2. Being vulnerable with someone is like being a crab without its shell who is then expected to cross an eight-lane highway during rush hour. 3. A dear friend of mine lost her father to a sudden heart attack while we were still in high school. Years later, I don’t recall how it came up, but she said she was afraid of truly falling in love since she has seen how painful it is when you lose it. I think of this a lot. 4. Falling in love can be a one-sided fall. You might think you’re riding a tandem bike, autumn leaves swirling magically around you both as you laugh at the wind trying to pull your hair free from a soft-knitted cap. But then you look over your shoulder and realize you’re riding the two-person bike all by yourself. 5. I wish …