All posts filed under: Readers Questions

Ask What You Want Wednesday: Holiday Distance Anxiety

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Nearly two weeks ago I started spending time with a very lovely man who I met through mutual friends. Being with him is wonderful. He is very calm, kind, and we don’t stop talking. I feel as though I’m falling for him very quickly. Now, over the holidays, all I have to rely on for contact are very sparse texts. I’m an avid texter, and he’s not. I’ve heard this is just how he is and his friends all have difficulty getting in touch with him. Waiting for him to respond to me is torture. Having anxiety alongside feeling strongly for him very fast, then facing separation over the holidays has been an absolute nightmare. Dating and the holidays as separate concepts are bad enough for the anxious, but both together are horrific.   Do you have any advice on how I can chill the heck out over Christmas and trust that it will work out if it’s meant to? Okay, let me tell you right here right now THIS IS SUCH A COMMON EXPERIENCE. Not only do the holidays bring …

Ask What You Want Wednesday: Endless Texting Anxiety

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I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 4 months now and no matter what I do, I cannot shake this constant anxiety over his texts. Now, it’s not like I don’t see this dude in person. I see him a solid 3-4X a week. I spend the entire weekend at his house. However, I instantly freak out when I don’t get a goodnight text or a good morning text. I constantly overanalyze his texts and question if he still wants to be with me or not. Then, lo and behold, I see him in person and he’s lovey dovey and great. I don’t bring up my pure panic when it comes to texting because it’s not his job to change who he is to make me feel better, especially when it comes to something so silly as texts. He and I have talked about his texting and he knows he is less than stellar and just says “Baby, just because I’m not texting you doesn’t mean I’m not thinking about you.”  What gives? How can …

Ask What You Want Wednesday: Struggling to Date with Emetophobia

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I struggle with dating a lot and I severely struggle with Emetophobia as well. For years my emetophobia has just been a fear of vomiting in front of others and embarrassing myself. However, lately I have actually been vomiting in social situations, especially when I see a guy I am interested in. I am so ashamed of this and I’m trying to find the humor in it, but I am terrified that if I start to date this guy that I won’t be able to do it because of the vomiting. I would love to hear your thoughts. Guys, this questions rocks because I definitely have not talked about emetophobia — and my history with it — nearly enough on this blog. I was  excited to see this message in my inbox because I sometimes forget how experiences that feel so isolating are actually shared experiences. Thank you for sending in this question. And buckle up, this is probably the longest Ask What You Want Wednesday in the history of this blog. First off, there may be a physiological …

Ask What You Want Wednesday: Don’t Want to Ruin a Good Thing

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I’m currently seeing this guy and we just started seeing each other. I have GAD and take medicine for it. I keep reading into things too much and I don’t know how to control it. I don’t want him to think I need constant reassurance either. When we’re together he is the sweetest guy and I feel so important to him, but when we talk on the phone I think I read too much into things. I don’t want to ruin a possibly good thing because of my anxiety. Thank you for sending in these thoughts…being concerned about ruining a good thing could be the title of my autobiography “Don’t Want to Ruin a Good Thing: The Adventures of Hattie C. Cooper and Her Irritable Bowel.”  But in all seriousness, you are not alone in this concern OR in the habit of reading into things. Usually when we read into things it is because of uncertainty. When you’re new to a relationship there are a lot of unknowns still. And one of the biggest unknowns, and …

Ask What You Want Wednesday | Facing Your Fears

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What can an anxiety-ridden person do to stop pushing people away out of fear of love? One of the best ways to approach this experience is by breaking it down into manageable steps. What I mean by this is: fear is a big, big word. Fear can feel like it controls our actions. And it will control our actions if we let it. It can be overwhelming to not only try to overcome fear in our everyday lives, but to also think about overcoming fear in the face of love (which, in it of itself is another big, scary word). Start by taking back control over the concept of fear. You can do this by spending some time to understand its origins. Where, do you think, this fear of love is coming from? For example, if you are afraid of being hurt, try to evaluate why this is. Then, remind yourself of the strength you possess and your ability to overcome pain and sadness. Think of times in the past when you felt hurt and how you …