All posts filed under: Readers Questions

Ask What You Want Wednesday | Struggling with Self-Doubt

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All my life, I have struggled with anxiety and self-doubt. As a result, I have never had much experience with men. Whenever I start to develop feelings for someone, I get scared and pretty much end it before I can ever actually date them. I have started to develop feelings for someone that I think I want to pursue a relationship with, but I’m not sure how to even begin to overcome my fears of opening up to someone. All my life I have battled with feeling not good enough, I’m not sure how to even feel ready to put myself out there for love. How can I overcome this? This was such a wonderful question to receive because it honestly felt like I wrote it — it is like you read part of my diary and pulled my exact thoughts from its contents. This is why I love this blog. Because even though we might feel so alone, we are actually so seriously together in this exhausting pursuit for love. And the phrase I immediately …

Ask What You Want Wednesday | Opening Up

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I’ve gone on a handful of dates with this new girl who I really like and the other night she asked me about my anxiety. I’ve never talked to anyone about my mental health before, let alone a girl I’m trying to date, so I sort of froze. I want to tell her about myself but am nervous she will get scared or I’ll do a crappy job explaining myself.  It’s understandable you would feel hesitant to share this side of your life with someone you are just getting to know. Not only is she someone new in your life (and therefore trust has yet to be deeply established) but you also are in the beginning stages of an intimate relationship. This means you are still doing your best to be your “best” self, most likely. Since you are entering unknown territory that also requires you to be vulnerable, remind yourself to not feel pressure to share more than you are comfortable. At least at first. While it is  important to help this other person …

Ask What You Want Wednesday | New Relationship Confusion

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I just started dating this guy that I really like and at first we talked all the time now he’s gotten really busy with work and life and we barely talk not to mention he lives like an hour away, its driving my anxiety thru the roof. I don’t know how to get him to understand this or what to do I need HELP! It sounds like there has been a miscommunication about what each of you defines as “dating.” It’s so understandable that your anxiety would be escalated by his behavior. If your expectation for a significant other is for them to be present, to talk with you about your days, and make an effort to frequently see you (regardless of distance), then the reality of the situation is understandably frustrating for you. However, if his expectation is that a relationship is more flexible and his partner understands that he’s busy and has a life outside the relationship, then he might be confused by your reaction to his behavior. The best thing you can …

Ask What You Want Wednesday | Long-Distance Texting

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I am a 20 year old late bloomer with social anxiety that worsens over anything relating to romance. Now I have a guy I like that I think likes me back. We’ve been “talking” all summer via text because he’s got a job in a completely different state. I’m not sure what exactly I should be doing? Asking advice from my friends makes the anxiety worse because they think its funny that I struggle over the basics and make me feel like I’m a child or I’m doing something wrong…. First off, you are not alone in experiencing an increase in your anxiety over a possible budding relationship. Right now you are in a place where there are a lot of unknowns. You think he likes you back, he lives in a completely different state, and you’re not sure what you should do — of course your anxiety is going off the charts! That’s a lot of uncertainties to take on at once. I’m guessing you have other things going on in your life too, …

Ask What You Want Wednesday | Starting Over

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I have very recently ended a relationship of two+ years. We both knew near the end things were not going as they were before. He moved away due to his career and that is what amplified our problems. We were forced to talk more which neither of us are good at. Pulled out of comfort zones. He avoided and I clung. In the end he put his foot down and it likely was for the best. I’m going through intense “emdr” therapy to hopefully work through past traumas. He was my best friend and partner. He was my main support. I’m in a new city away from family for my career. I absolutely love my job and will not leave it. Though I want to move back home and hide away. I feel lost, my routine is mixed up and nothing feels solid anymore. We both are to “blame” for the relationship not working. We openly spoke about wanting different things, though I still feel I wanted to make it work. I cannot force someone …