All posts tagged: Advice

Ask What You Want Wednesday: Holiday Distance Anxiety

Nearly two weeks ago I started spending time with a very lovely man who I met through mutual friends. Being with him is wonderful. He is very calm, kind, and we don’t stop talking. I feel as though I’m falling for him very quickly. Now, over the holidays, all I have to rely on for contact are very sparse texts. I’m an avid texter, and he’s not. I’ve heard this is just how he is and his friends all have difficulty getting in touch with him. Waiting for him to respond to me is torture. Having anxiety alongside feeling strongly for him very fast, then facing separation over the holidays has been an absolute nightmare. Dating and the holidays as separate concepts are bad enough for the anxious, but both together are horrific.   Do you have any advice on how I can chill the heck out over Christmas and trust that it will work out if it’s meant to? Okay, let me tell you right here right now THIS IS SUCH A COMMON EXPERIENCE. Not only do the holidays bring …

Ask What You Want Wednesday: Don’t Want to Ruin a Good Thing

I’m currently seeing this guy and we just started seeing each other. I have GAD and take medicine for it. I keep reading into things too much and I don’t know how to control it. I don’t want him to think I need constant reassurance either. When we’re together he is the sweetest guy and I feel so important to him, but when we talk on the phone I think I read too much into things. I don’t want to ruin a possibly good thing because of my anxiety. Thank you for sending in these thoughts…being concerned about ruining a good thing could be the title of my autobiography “Don’t Want to Ruin a Good Thing: The Adventures of Hattie C. Cooper and Her Irritable Bowel.”  But in all seriousness, you are not alone in this concern OR in the habit of reading into things. Usually when we read into things it is because of uncertainty. When you’re new to a relationship there are a lot of unknowns still. And one of the biggest unknowns, and …

If nervous about first date how to survive even if anxious

Surviving the “Let’s Grab Coffee” First Date

Previously I’ve written about avoiding coffee first dates — I’ve discussed taking walks or seeing a movie instead, but let’s face it: sometimes the coffee date is inevitable. Especially since, in our world today, a lot of the time we don’t really know if we’re being asked out on a date until someone says the phrase “do you want to grab coffee sometime?” We’ve been conditioned to know that, at the very least, the person asking the question is most likely slightly interested in being more than friends. Probably. So what now? Now that you’ve chosen the coffee shop. Maybe the Starbucks downtown, or a locally owned joint, or the coffee shop on your college campus. Now it’s planned. And it’s looming on the horizon. And oh-dear-god what in the name of all that is awkward are you going to wear?? Here are my top 10 tips for surviving the first coffee date. Go get ’em, you anxious, beautiful, people. 10 Tips for Surviving the “Let’s Grab Coffee” first date 1) Make a post-date plan that’s all your own. Whether it’s …