All posts tagged: Anxiety after first date

If you're nervous scared shy or anxious about first kiss advice

Nervous About Your First Kiss?

Freshman year of high school we wrote letters to our senior-selves. Upon opening my letter I was surprised to find I had high hopes for my love life. “By the end of high school I will have gone to a dance with a boy. I’ll for sure have had my first kiss by then.” It hadn’t. I told myself it would happen when I went off to community college. It didn’t. I told myself I would have my first kiss at the very least before I turned 21 at college. It didn’t. I didn’t have my first kiss until I was 22. I remember feeling like I’d reached a point where I “should just get it over with.” It felt like everyone in the world had already been kissed. But here’s the thing: the older I get the more people I meet who are late bloomers. Who haven’t had their first kiss and are reaching their 30s. Or are reaching their 40s. And I find something beautiful about this. We are so convinced we must …

Women in field self-motivation for nervous dating

If You Do ___ You Will Get ____

  I worked for several years as a behavior therapist and one of the things I learned was this: with the right reinforcement, behaviors can happen. For example, my mom knew how much me and my sister loved M&Ms. We would do pretty much anything for them. So that was how she potty-trained us. Basic bribery, plain and simple. Some might see this as cheating, but it got results. And fast. This trend follows us into adulthood. People want a certain job? They work for it. Want that specific car? You save for it. This often plays out in ways we’re not even aware of, such as wanting the approval of others or the support of loved ones. It can manifest in unhealthy ways (eating disorders, addictions, etc) when we distort our expectations and desires. But I’ve discovered it helped me a lot in my early attempts of dating. I will give you a few examples. Often-times, especially when it comes to new steps in physical relationships, the fear and build-up outweighs the literal act. For example, holding hands …

Coffee First Date if you're nervous shy anxious about dating

Avoiding the “Let’s Grab Coffee” First Date

Three loathsome words to someone with Anxiety who is also trying to date: “Let’s grab coffee.” What seems like a harmless and casual date to most people, feels daunting to people with Anxiety. Grabbing coffee means you have to sit. And talk. And figure out what to do with your hands. And where to look with your eyes. How much eye contact is too much eye contact? What if it’s too loud and you can only hear 20% of the conversation so you spend the entire time fake-nodding and half-yeah’ing? Is it clear by this point…I am not a fan of the “casual coffee date.” Yet this is the go-to date for most first dates. I understand; it’s low-cost, low-stakes, and there’s no pressure to stick around too long if it isn’t going well. But good lord is it uncomfortable. I quickly learned that my anxiety didn’t mix well with grabbing coffee. So I had to learn what I could do. This is something we all should figure out for ourselves. My ideal first date? Going on …