All posts tagged: Anxiety

Why You Should Meet that Online Crush in Person Sooner Rather than Later

Published by

I was supposed to be working on my writing exercise. After telling myself I was going to attend a local writers Meetup for over a year I finally dragged myself out into the world and did it. I was at a neighborhood coffee shop, surrounded by eight other women writers from Seattle, and we were doing a 10 minute character exercise. Except I couldn’t concentrate. I couldn’t concentrate because there was a first date at the table next to me. And they’d clearly met online. And it was clearly uncomfortable for both of them. To be perfectly honest, I could sit and listen to first dates all day long if I could. I love those first moments of sheer terror, of hope, of uncertainty, of wonder and fear. One of my first serious, head-over-heels crushes was with a man I met online. Or, we were introduced online by a mutual friend and started exchanging emails. And lemme tell you, hot shit was he dreamy and witty and perfect.  And for the first time in my life …

You’re Not Alone if You Feel Nervous About Dating

Published by

Something really cool has happened over the past few years. I started this blog in 2013. It began as a place where I could think through pain points I’d had while trying to date as I also dealt with anxiety. One of my mantras when I thought about starting this blog was, “I can’t be the only one.” As you guys have shown me, I’m not. And I have the evidence to prove it. This site is powered via WordPress. There are thousands of people who find my blog via search engines online (Google, Bing, Yahoo, etc). For 95% of these searches I’m unable to see the words people typed in that led them to this site. But for the other 5% I can see what someone searched for. There are no other identifying factors for the search terms, so there’s no way to know the person’s age, gender, hometown, etc. Yet this anonymity makes me feel all the more connected.  And it’s one of the coolest things. In 2016 so far here’s a sampling …

I Hung Out With a Friend While He Tried to Work Up Courage to Tell a Girl She Was Pretty and MAN It Was Stressful

Published by

We hovered around him like buzzards surrounding a fresh carcass. “Just get in and get out,” Friend 1 shouted at him. “It’ll be over so fast!” Friend 2 added. “Come on, don’t chicken out,” Friend 3 contributed. “If you don’t do this then you’re dead to me!” Friend 4 screamed, spittle flying from their mouth and also I should mention Friend 4 was me. We were out at a bar for our friend’s 24th birthday. The rest of the group, myself included, had a mean age that fell in the 30 – 35 age bracket. However, we’d all met and bonded at the same dark, cramped bar here in Seattle, all rooting for the same English soccer team. They are friendships formed over shared hatreds of opposing teams and shared beers at 6am kickoffs. Our spring chicken of a friend, the one now turning 24, will sometimes talk about crushes with us at the bar, girls he might find cute or intriguing. We tend to grill him, digging furiously through his hesitant collection of information, foraging …

Collecting Those Relationship Blueprints

Published by

It would be so nice if in third grade we all sat down, opened our Relationship Textbooks, and started learning a set of skills. But, unfortunately, that shit doesn’t happen. In childhood we aren’t all taught the skills necessary to build solid, strong relationships. For the majority of us we learn how to “relationship” by what we see and observe in the relationships around us. I know, personally, that my anxiety often rattles around in my brain with negative thoughts. My skull is a gumball machine, my negative thoughts are hideously moldy gumballs, and they love to try and accumulate. Over the years I have spent way too much time thinking about all the things I “should” be doing better or that I “could” have done differently. I have spent a lot of time fixating on what “might” go wrong in the near future/distant future/hypothetical futures. And when it comes to my intimate relationships and the years I spent trying to enter into the dating world I spent a hell of a lot of time hating myself and my …

Discussing Mental Health on a First Date

Published by

The New York Times recently shared a question that was sent to their “ethicist.” The reader is back on the dating scene again after ending a lengthy relationship. The reader also lives with a complex mental health past and is uncertain about when if/when to discuss this past when entering new relationships. What I love about this short little piece is that it acknowledges the grey area of getting close and intimate with another person. It explains: “on dates, convention holds, you’re not obliged to lead with your weaknesses. The best way for someone to see that you’re doing O.K. is not to assert it but to show it. AKA walk the walk, yo. Show what you are capable of on a day-to-day basis, let them see your best self. While you may feel your shadows are bigger than you, the truth is they only feel this way from your perspective. Remember you have a say in how you are perceived. You are writing your own story; make sure you’re the protagonist of it. However, the …