All posts tagged: Celebrating small achievements

Women in field self-motivation for nervous dating

If You Do ___ You Will Get ____

  I worked for several years as a behavior therapist and one of the things I learned was this: with the right reinforcement, behaviors can happen. For example, my mom knew how much me and my sister loved M&Ms. We would do pretty much anything for them. So that was how she potty-trained us. Basic bribery, plain and simple. Some might see this as cheating, but it got results. And fast. This trend follows us into adulthood. People want a certain job? They work for it. Want that specific car? You save for it. This often plays out in ways we’re not even aware of, such as wanting the approval of others or the support of loved ones. It can manifest in unhealthy ways (eating disorders, addictions, etc) when we distort our expectations and desires. But I’ve discovered it helped me a lot in my early attempts of dating. I will give you a few examples. Often-times, especially when it comes to new steps in physical relationships, the fear and build-up outweighs the literal act. For example, holding hands …