All posts tagged: communication

It's important to take a chance and ask hard questions if shy about intimacy

Asking the Hard Questions (even if it scares you)

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As we wove through the dark valleys of the Pacific Northwest Cascade mountains, our headlights slicing a softly lit path for us on the freeway, I read another question. “Who do you believe your partner will help you become?” Jared and I were driving back from our weekend in Idaho and left especially late to try and avoid Labor Day traffic. It was almost midnight. We’d rode in calm silence for several hours, but then I asked if we wanted to answer some premarital type questions. You know, things you’re supposed to talk about before getting married. Our wedding is still months away, but it’s going to approach faster than a bug on a windshield. So we’re trying to be proactive. And this means answering the hard questions. Questions about finances, having children, in-laws, finances and finances. When you choose to intertwine your life with someone, regardless of a marriage certificate, you need to start asking the hard questions both of the person you’re with and of yourself. Years before, when I was dating a man …

If you're shy or nervous or anxious about intimacy

Worried About Your Lack of Foreskin Knowledge? You’re Not Alone.

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As we sat around the metal table, the patio umbrella shielding us from the Seattle evening rain, we all listened to our friend’s Honeymoon stories. They’d just returned from their tropical vacation and the rest of us were eager to live vicariously through them. “The third day the water taxi took us to what turned out to be a nudist beach,” she said, laughing. Setting up shop on the beach, they sat reading their books among partially and/or not-at-all clothed crowds. Her husband leaned into the middle of the table. “At one point she looked up from her book and started looking around. Then she asked me ‘Wait…are you circumcised?’ “ Even as everyone joined in on the laughter myself and the other girlfriend’s quickly leapt to her defense, pointing out that we aren’t born inherently knowing what the penis looks like with or without foreskin. And unless someone has blatantly shown you one versus the other you might not be positive what you’re looking at. Plus googling that shit is RISKY and something you might …

What to talk about on a coffee first date if anxious or shy or nervous

5 Things You Can Talk About On a First Date (even if you’re nervous)

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Does the idea of a first date make you feel like a slippery fish is trying to climb up your esophagus? When someone says to you, “just ask them out!” do you want to shout back “THAT MEANS I’LL HAVE TO TALK TO THEM” You’re not alone in finding even the thought of a first date as scary as a clown who doesn’t blink. First dates often feel so daunting because of the horrible, yet necessary, small-talk that is usually required. Sitting, staring, running through the usual questions like, What do you do? How long have you lived in this city? How many siblings do you have? When did you last pick your nose? Here are 5 conversation topics you can use, even if you’re nervous for that first date: Hometown: Ask about where they grew up. You can find out if they liked it, disliked it, miss it, etc. This is a good way to learn a little more of what “home” means to the other person. Dream Job: Instead of simply talking about …

Why you need to listen to your intuition when anxious or nervous about dating someone new

Why You Need to Pay Attention to Your Gut When Dating Someone New

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“He’s just a little insecure and doesn’t know how to confidently show he’s interested in me,” I explained to my roommate. I was twenty-one, hardcore crushing on a computer science major who also played the banjo, and justifying my ass off for why he wasn’t returning any of my text messages. I was also ignoring my gut. As I sat on our faded plaid armchair, the one that was in this dilapidated college-house when we moved in, I kept repeating that he was just shy. Nervous. Awkward. A computer genius. As a person with anxiety, I was well-equipped to over-analyze everything he’d ever said or done. While this may have all been true (he was sort of shy, awkward, and intelligent with computers) it was also true that he was not responding to my text messages. And no amount of hypothesizing (maybe he’s practicing his banjo and can’t hear his phone!!??) changed this fact. It is easy to try and see what we want to see. To weave elaborate backstories for why someone is treating us …