All posts tagged: Coping with Anxiety

Nervous Shy Saying I Love You Anxious Dating

Why My Anxiety Makes it Difficult to Say “I Love You With All My Heart”

While talking about the 5 Love Languages with my partner, he mentioned how he thinks “words of affirmation” is one of his love languages. He described how he was raised and how growing up his family always made a point to tell each other they loved one another. And I’ve noticed how true it is. They say it a lot and text it a lot, which has translated into our own relationship. We always say it before leaving for work. Before falling asleep. In text messages throughout the day. While sitting on the couch together. I love you, I love you, I love you like a revolving door out of which we hope to never step out. I feel both fortunate and scared by this. The knowledge that I am loved and that I love-in-return is difficult to process sometimes, especially when looking out into the world and knowing how reality can scratch something so seemingly shiny and beautiful. And, also, knowing how ugly the human heart can be. There came a time when I …

Why it can help anxiety about dating if you write in a journal

Write Your Emotions Down

Sometimes my thoughts start working in overdrive, and not always with positive things. If I’m upset about something, my brain does NOT stop. I spiral. I drown. I lay awake as if I’ve found myself in the middle of a lake and my thoughts are thousands of fish, surrounding me, hitting me in the face, threading between my limbs, I can’t breath I don’t know how I even got there. The brain of a person with anxiety shares a lot of qualities with the brain of someone with OCD or depression. And a lot this has to do with repeated thoughts. This especially happens to me when I am feeling angry or hurt. Which means it probably is directed at another human being. Instead of bolting out of bed and immediately calling the person or texting them to tell them what I think, I instead get up and head to a journal. Or my computer. And I write them a letter. The letter tries to explain why I feel the way I feel. This letter is …

Giving a name or identity to your anxiety if anxious about dating

Naming Your Anxiety, Naming the Beast

When I can feel my anxiety bubbling up, when it starts to take over, I imagine it as a thing separate from me. I started doing this years ago, especially when I understood a lot less about my relationship with my anxiety. I would try to remove myself. I would get upset at my anxiety. I would tell my anxiety to go away. I would try to tell it it didn’t control me. This didn’t always work. Somewhere along the way, I’m not positive when, I attached a face to it. A character. And it was one that already existed in the world. I chose the big red monster from the old Looney Tunes cartoons. He’s menacing. Big. Aggressive. But also a little dim. And, in the end, harmless. This is how I’ve come to relate to my anxiety. I later found out the character’s name is Gossamer, which makes it even more fitting. Merriam-Webster defines Gossamer as a piece of spider’s web; a very light or delicate material. Despite my anxiety seeming like an …