All posts tagged: Critical thinking

Be confident even if you're shy or nervous or anxious

How to Gain More Confidence (and why it’s so damn hard to achieve)

Anxious people are, by nature, critical thinkers. As in, we are able to analyze a lot of details all at once. Back when I taught college composition I drilled the importance of critical thinking into my students like a pizza chef pounding fresh dough mercilessly. I basically would spend the entire semester shrieking “You only have one life and you better be a critical thinker in this world!!” (Reminder: the word “critical” isn’t used in the negative connotation here. It means you are objectively analyzing something to form an opinion). However, because anxiety generates a LOT of critical thinking skills it is often VERY difficult for people with anxiety to develop any kind of genuine self-confidence. Why? Because we are too damn smart. Haha no wait, sorry, I know that’s reductive and petty what I meant to say was we are really really skilled at seeing the grey areas of life and the positives and negatives of a situation and therefore understand nothing is perfect. But this includes ourselves. For example, say something stupid? Now you get to …

It's important to take a chance and ask hard questions if shy about intimacy

Asking the Hard Questions (even if it scares you)

As we wove through the dark valleys of the Pacific Northwest Cascade mountains, our headlights slicing a softly lit path for us on the freeway, I read another question. “Who do you believe your partner will help you become?” Jared and I were driving back from our weekend in Idaho and left especially late to try and avoid Labor Day traffic. It was almost midnight. We’d rode in calm silence for several hours, but then I asked if we wanted to answer some premarital type questions. You know, things you’re supposed to talk about before getting married. Our wedding is still months away, but it’s going to approach faster than a bug on a windshield. So we’re trying to be proactive. And this means answering the hard questions. Questions about finances, having children, in-laws, finances and finances. When you choose to intertwine your life with someone, regardless of a marriage certificate, you need to start asking the hard questions both of the person you’re with and of yourself. Years before, when I was dating a man …