All posts tagged: Dating with Anxiety

Ask What You Want Wednesday: Struggling to Date with Emetophobia

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I struggle with dating a lot and I severely struggle with Emetophobia as well. For years my emetophobia has just been a fear of vomiting in front of others and embarrassing myself. However, lately I have actually been vomiting in social situations, especially when I see a guy I am interested in. I am so ashamed of this and I’m trying to find the humor in it, but I am terrified that if I start to date this guy that I won’t be able to do it because of the vomiting. I would love to hear your thoughts. Guys, this questions rocks because I definitely have not talked about emetophobia — and my history with it — nearly enough on this blog. I was  excited to see this message in my inbox because I sometimes forget how experiences that feel so isolating are actually shared experiences. Thank you for sending in this question. And buckle up, this is probably the longest Ask What You Want Wednesday in the history of this blog. First off, there may be a physiological …

Ask What You Want Wednesday: Don’t Want to Ruin a Good Thing

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I’m currently seeing this guy and we just started seeing each other. I have GAD and take medicine for it. I keep reading into things too much and I don’t know how to control it. I don’t want him to think I need constant reassurance either. When we’re together he is the sweetest guy and I feel so important to him, but when we talk on the phone I think I read too much into things. I don’t want to ruin a possibly good thing because of my anxiety. Thank you for sending in these thoughts…being concerned about ruining a good thing could be the title of my autobiography “Don’t Want to Ruin a Good Thing: The Adventures of Hattie C. Cooper and Her Irritable Bowel.”  But in all seriousness, you are not alone in this concern OR in the habit of reading into things. Usually when we read into things it is because of uncertainty. When you’re new to a relationship there are a lot of unknowns still. And one of the biggest unknowns, and …

Be confident even if you're shy or nervous or anxious

How to Gain More Confidence (and why it’s so damn hard to achieve)

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Anxious people are, by nature, critical thinkers. As in, we are able to analyze a lot of details all at once. Back when I taught college composition I drilled the importance of critical thinking into my students like a pizza chef pounding fresh dough mercilessly. I basically would spend the entire semester shrieking “You only have one life and you better be a critical thinker in this world!!” (Reminder: the word “critical” isn’t used in the negative connotation here. It means you are objectively analyzing something to form an opinion). However, because anxiety generates a LOT of critical thinking skills it is often VERY difficult for people with anxiety to develop any kind of genuine self-confidence. Why? Because we are too damn smart. Haha no wait, sorry, I know that’s reductive and petty what I meant to say was we are really really skilled at seeing the grey areas of life and the positives and negatives of a situation and therefore understand nothing is perfect. But this includes ourselves. For example, say something stupid? Now you get to …

Ask What You Want Wednesday | The Age Factor

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  I’m older now (like 32) and have never really even dated. Although, I’ve been in love with a lot of guy friends. I think I’m ready to try again but the only ones around me my type (either at work or college) are almost half my age. I even have a couple of buddies who are 18. Is it weird for an older female to consider dating guys 11 and 12 years younger? I honestly don’t know how to find people more my age who aren’t already taken, or stuck in a career, or out of my league.  When it comes to dating and age and what age group you “should” be dating, here’s how it works: if there are two consenting adults who both agree to trying out a relationship, that’s all that matters. End of story. But here’s what actually happens: external voices enter the situation. People’s opinions. Your own insecurities of what people might think. Will people judge? Will the relationship even last? etc etc There are plenty of relationships that …

How to talk to a crush if you're nervous shy or scared

Three Minutes of Terror: Starting a Conversation

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When I took Speech 101 I learned that on the list of things most feared by humans, fear of public speaking is ranked above fear of death. What? Yep. And here’s what sucks: you usually have to talk when you’re on a date. Which, for someone with anxiety, is a horrifying thought. This is why, before anything, I always tell people they can opt to see a movie on a first date instead of grabbing coffee. If the idea of a first date makes you want to puke your guts out, find another option. It will allow you to get over the first date jitters and allow yourself to adjust and see you won’t die while on a date. During Speech 101 the teacher discussed the fight or flight reaction. When encountering a situation that is scary to us (public speaking, dating, talking to someone cute) our bodies automatically jump into fight or flight mode. Sweating, difficulty breathing, nausea, jumbled thoughts…basically our bodies betray us when we most need to be “cool.” But, here’s the …