All posts tagged: Emotions

Why I Wish People Would Stop Telling Me to Develop a Thicker Skin

Growing up, I heard it a lot. “You need to grow a thicker skin if you want to survive in this world!” Most likely this was said to me as a I sat blubbering or drooling in tears because I just watched a pigeon with one leg hobble across the street. The truth is, I bruise easily. Emotionally, mentally, and physically. I’m the human version of what a peach would look like if it sprouted legs and wandered out into a forest shouting what a nice night for some socializing hey is that a hungry looking wolver– And over the years, yes, I’ve learned to be tougher. I can stand my ground better than I used to, I am more solid in knowing myself and therefore knowing when someone is treating me unfairly, and I have walked away from people who make me feel unloved. But still…..still I cry easily. If I am upset, I cry. If I’m angry, I cry. If I’m hungry, excited, sad, confused, frustrated, happy, nervous, or tired, I will more likely …

What It’s Like to Have a Vagina that Doesn’t Want to Have Sex

“They are called vaginal dilators,” the doctor said. She held a smooth white box in one hand and a colorless rubber spear in the other. It looked like the world’s least sexy dildo. I was mortified. I didn’t want to anyone to know about this. Ever. This was going with me to the grave. As I hurried from the doctor’s office to my car, an innocent looking paper bag clutched under my arm, I kept reflecting on how love, relationships, physical intimacy, and now sex seemed so much more difficult for me than other people. Everyone else made it look so easy. After stashing the box of dilators under my bed and praying to every God of every religion that no one would find it, I told my best friend about what had happened. In the supportive way only best friends can be, she immediately made fun of my collection of dildos under the bed. For a girl who hadn’t had her first kiss until she was 22, this box of medicinal dildos was a …

It's important to take a chance and ask hard questions if shy about intimacy

Asking the Hard Questions (even if it scares you)

As we wove through the dark valleys of the Pacific Northwest Cascade mountains, our headlights slicing a softly lit path for us on the freeway, I read another question. “Who do you believe your partner will help you become?” Jared and I were driving back from our weekend in Idaho and left especially late to try and avoid Labor Day traffic. It was almost midnight. We’d rode in calm silence for several hours, but then I asked if we wanted to answer some premarital type questions. You know, things you’re supposed to talk about before getting married. Our wedding is still months away, but it’s going to approach faster than a bug on a windshield. So we’re trying to be proactive. And this means answering the hard questions. Questions about finances, having children, in-laws, finances and finances. When you choose to intertwine your life with someone, regardless of a marriage certificate, you need to start asking the hard questions both of the person you’re with and of yourself. Years before, when I was dating a man …

What Hattie Cooper's at knows about anxiety and depression and mental health

What My Cat Knows About Overcoming Anxiety & Depression

I adopted my cat Scout in 2008. Since then he has moved with me from college in San Luis Obispo, CA to Sacramento, to Spokane, and finally to Seattle. He’s been around for a lot of emotional turmoil, a lot of Hattie-feels-lost-right-now moments, and a lot of different crushes and heartbreak. Scout stared at me when I waited by my phone for that musician with the lazy eye to call in college. He sat next to me as I emailed my crush who lived two states away who eventually would reflect on our time together by saying “you have nice boobs.” He warily met Jared and eventually grew to love him more than he loves me (or so I fear). And Scout was even featured as a small cartoon drawing on the back of our Save the Dates. All these moments have given me anxiety and spiraled me into phases of darkness and he’s been present for every one of them. He’s handled it all with both affection and apathetic distance. His general attitude has always been, “whatever, I love …

Ask What You Want Wednesday | Struggling with Self-Doubt

All my life, I have struggled with anxiety and self-doubt. As a result, I have never had much experience with men. Whenever I start to develop feelings for someone, I get scared and pretty much end it before I can ever actually date them. I have started to develop feelings for someone that I think I want to pursue a relationship with, but I’m not sure how to even begin to overcome my fears of opening up to someone. All my life I have battled with feeling not good enough, I’m not sure how to even feel ready to put myself out there for love. How can I overcome this? This was such a wonderful question to receive because it honestly felt like I wrote it — it is like you read part of my diary and pulled my exact thoughts from its contents. This is why I love this blog. Because even though we might feel so alone, we are actually so seriously together in this exhausting pursuit for love. And the phrase I immediately …