All posts tagged: Family

Getting Better at Getting Mad (aka finding your conflict spirit animal)

I’m getting better at getting mad. What I mean is, I’m slowly learning the skills of fighting fairly while in a romantic relationship. I’m getting “better” at being mad, if that makes sense. As Jared and mine’s wedding approaches faster than the upcoming Oscar snub of Leo (jk he’s probably going to win) I’ve been thinking a lot about how a marriage will probably consist of just as many challenging moments as joyous moments. Love is the bread holding this meaty sandwich of chaos together. To put it simply: I’m not the best at being angry. I don’t handle negative emotions very skillfully. I’ve never been an expert at navigating conflict.  I fear being mad or frustrated reflects poorly on my character as a whole. I feel a lot of guilt, shame, and fear. So one of the things I’ve been forced to get better at, now that my life is so intimately interconnected with another human, is how to be mad. Like, how to be mad. Being upset is the easy part. But being upset in …

The Power of Choosing Your Love

The further I burrow into the messy and mulchy business of planning a wedding, the more I’ve been thinking about the concept of free will. I’ve been thinking about freedom of choice. Jared and I have “chosen” to have a rather large wedding and have “chosen” to make sure certain things are at this wedding (food, booze, music, hopefully a kickass magician) but in reality was it just societal pressure making the choice for us? Was it all preordained in the land of Martha Stewart and Pinterest? Did I even want an assortment of cheeses and crackers as an appetizer!?? (Yes. The answer is always “yes” when it comes to cheese). Anxiety often has the habit of grabbing hold of the reins and making it feel like we’re simply along for the ride. This can feel especially true when we are trying to pursue love in our lives. Wedding planning has definitely been poking awake my anxiety. Which then makes me think about how I got here. It has made me think a lot about how …

What are your habits when it comes to being anxious

I’m Learning to Recognize My Anxiety Patterns

I spent this past weekend with my partner’s family. His brother was visiting from Chicago and it was the first time, in a long time, that the entire family was together. I’ve known and loved his family for a few years now, but I’ve only recently become fully comfortable with them. Like truly comfortable. Like, can joke about my colon kind of comfortable. But then something happened that disrupted that sense of comfort. Our routine changed tracks. When we spend weekends with his family, I usually know what to expect. We usually eat dinner around 7 or 8pm. It usually includes some kind of salmon or steak or pasta variety with a side of salad and bread. There will be an option for dessert at the end. Except this past weekend something new occurred. We went out to eat. And for some reason, this triggered my anxiety. At first I had a difficult time understanding where my anxiety was coming from. I go out to eat all the time. I have eaten in restaurants with his …

Ask What You Want Wednesday | Holidays With the Family

I’m spending Thanksgiving with my girlfriend’s family for the first time…HELP! This is very exciting; for starters remind yourself that this is a great thing. It means your relationship is moving forward in a positive way. It means you will get a better glimpse into the world that helped shape your partner. But it also means your anxiety will probably be working in overdrive. Like I’ve advised before, I’ll remind you to fake it ’til you make it. This doesn’t mean you should be phony. Don’t become someone you’re not. Just become the best version of yourself you know you’re capable of being. Your girlfriend obviously cares about you and sees good in you, so make sure the family sees this too! So even if you want to curl up in a ball in the bathroom, or run screaming when you have to meet 5 uncles and 20 cousins, push yourself to smile. To shake hands. To say “it’s nice to meet you.” You can do it. If you start to feel anxious or fidgety, …