All posts tagged: first dates

Why You Should Meet that Online Crush in Person Sooner Rather than Later

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I was supposed to be working on my writing exercise. After telling myself I was going to attend a local writers Meetup for over a year I finally dragged myself out into the world and did it. I was at a neighborhood coffee shop, surrounded by eight other women writers from Seattle, and we were doing a 10 minute character exercise. Except I couldn’t concentrate. I couldn’t concentrate because there was a first date at the table next to me. And they’d clearly met online. And it was clearly uncomfortable for both of them. To be perfectly honest, I could sit and listen to first dates all day long if I could. I love those first moments of sheer terror, of hope, of uncertainty, of wonder and fear. One of my first serious, head-over-heels crushes was with a man I met online. Or, we were introduced online by a mutual friend and started exchanging emails. And lemme tell you, hot shit was he dreamy and witty and perfect.  And for the first time in my life …

Discussing Mental Health on a First Date

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The New York Times recently shared a question that was sent to their “ethicist.” The reader is back on the dating scene again after ending a lengthy relationship. The reader also lives with a complex mental health past and is uncertain about when if/when to discuss this past when entering new relationships. What I love about this short little piece is that it acknowledges the grey area of getting close and intimate with another person. It explains: “on dates, convention holds, you’re not obliged to lead with your weaknesses. The best way for someone to see that you’re doing O.K. is not to assert it but to show it. AKA walk the walk, yo. Show what you are capable of on a day-to-day basis, let them see your best self. While you may feel your shadows are bigger than you, the truth is they only feel this way from your perspective. Remember you have a say in how you are perceived. You are writing your own story; make sure you’re the protagonist of it. However, the …

What to talk about on a coffee first date if anxious or shy or nervous

5 Things You Can Talk About On a First Date (even if you’re nervous)

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Does the idea of a first date make you feel like a slippery fish is trying to climb up your esophagus? When someone says to you, “just ask them out!” do you want to shout back “THAT MEANS I’LL HAVE TO TALK TO THEM” You’re not alone in finding even the thought of a first date as scary as a clown who doesn’t blink. First dates often feel so daunting because of the horrible, yet necessary, small-talk that is usually required. Sitting, staring, running through the usual questions like, What do you do? How long have you lived in this city? How many siblings do you have? When did you last pick your nose? Here are 5 conversation topics you can use, even if you’re nervous for that first date: Hometown: Ask about where they grew up. You can find out if they liked it, disliked it, miss it, etc. This is a good way to learn a little more of what “home” means to the other person. Dream Job: Instead of simply talking about …

How to talk to a crush if you're nervous shy or scared

Three Minutes of Terror: Starting a Conversation

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When I took Speech 101 I learned that on the list of things most feared by humans, fear of public speaking is ranked above fear of death. What? Yep. And here’s what sucks: you usually have to talk when you’re on a date. Which, for someone with anxiety, is a horrifying thought. This is why, before anything, I always tell people they can opt to see a movie on a first date instead of grabbing coffee. If the idea of a first date makes you want to puke your guts out, find another option. It will allow you to get over the first date jitters and allow yourself to adjust and see you won’t die while on a date. During Speech 101 the teacher discussed the fight or flight reaction. When encountering a situation that is scary to us (public speaking, dating, talking to someone cute) our bodies automatically jump into fight or flight mode. Sweating, difficulty breathing, nausea, jumbled thoughts…basically our bodies betray us when we most need to be “cool.” But, here’s the …