All posts tagged: first dates

Table for Four: Ditching the judging, critical, killjoy

I have this analogy that every time you’re on a date with someone there are actually four people sitting at that table. No, I’m not Cybil, just hear me out. So naturally, all us blessed with higher than normal anxiety have a constantly running inner dialogue. Hopefully you’re getting better at limiting just how much that inner voice is criticizing you, but let’s be honest usually it’s pointing out ways you’re making a fool of yourself. So while we’re going about our own daily lives, waiting in line at Starbucks, rushing to NOT miss the bus, we’re living in a reality with dual selves. There’s the outward appearance we show to the world, one we painstakingly work to try and make appear as ‘cool’ and normal as possible and then the inner, mental, persona who is the one planning and working it’s butt off to keep ‘outward you’ from making a total fool of yourself. To give examples, appearance you is the one walking down the street, cool, calm, collected and totally confident. At the …

If nervous about first date how to survive even if anxious

Surviving the “Let’s Grab Coffee” First Date

Previously I’ve written about avoiding coffee first dates — I’ve discussed taking walks or seeing a movie instead, but let’s face it: sometimes the coffee date is inevitable. Especially since, in our world today, a lot of the time we don’t really know if we’re being asked out on a date until someone says the phrase “do you want to grab coffee sometime?” We’ve been conditioned to know that, at the very least, the person asking the question is most likely slightly interested in being more than friends. Probably. So what now? Now that you’ve chosen the coffee shop. Maybe the Starbucks downtown, or a locally owned joint, or the coffee shop on your college campus. Now it’s planned. And it’s looming on the horizon. And oh-dear-god what in the name of all that is awkward are you going to wear?? Here are my top 10 tips for surviving the first coffee date. Go get ’em, you anxious, beautiful, people. 10 Tips for Surviving the “Let’s Grab Coffee” first date 1) Make a post-date plan that’s all your own. Whether it’s …

Coffee First Date if you're nervous shy anxious about dating

Avoiding the “Let’s Grab Coffee” First Date

Three loathsome words to someone with Anxiety who is also trying to date: “Let’s grab coffee.” What seems like a harmless and casual date to most people, feels daunting to people with Anxiety. Grabbing coffee means you have to sit. And talk. And figure out what to do with your hands. And where to look with your eyes. How much eye contact is too much eye contact? What if it’s too loud and you can only hear 20% of the conversation so you spend the entire time fake-nodding and half-yeah’ing? Is it clear by this point…I am not a fan of the “casual coffee date.” Yet this is the go-to date for most first dates. I understand; it’s low-cost, low-stakes, and there’s no pressure to stick around too long if it isn’t going well. But good lord is it uncomfortable. I quickly learned that my anxiety didn’t mix well with grabbing coffee. So I had to learn what I could do. This is something we all should figure out for ourselves. My ideal first date? Going on …