All posts tagged: Intimacy

One of the Weirder Moments of Eye Contact I’ve Had Recently…

Eye contact can be challenging for me sometimes. I know it’s important, I know it makes people feel heard and connected, but damn it be awks sometimes. It’s incredibly intimate and makes you feel seen. It reminds you that, hey, you are right there. That’s you. A good friend of mine got married this past summer and after the ceremony she pointed something out to me I hadn’t realized before. “You have to maintain eye contact for a long time. Like, way too long,” she said, a fellow introvert who probably is as much of a fan of eye contact as I am. I’d never thought of this. Over the past few years I’ve been to a lot of weddings. A lot. If weddings were Cheetos and I was pouring myself a bowl for the past two years that bowl would be full. You know what I mean? Cheeto metaphor? Jared and I have attended so many weddings we foolishly thought planning a wedding would be easy. We thought it would be as breezy as a sailboat on a …

Ask What You Want Wednesday: Endless Texting Anxiety

I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 4 months now and no matter what I do, I cannot shake this constant anxiety over his texts. Now, it’s not like I don’t see this dude in person. I see him a solid 3-4X a week. I spend the entire weekend at his house. However, I instantly freak out when I don’t get a goodnight text or a good morning text. I constantly overanalyze his texts and question if he still wants to be with me or not. Then, lo and behold, I see him in person and he’s lovey dovey and great. I don’t bring up my pure panic when it comes to texting because it’s not his job to change who he is to make me feel better, especially when it comes to something so silly as texts. He and I have talked about his texting and he knows he is less than stellar and just says “Baby, just because I’m not texting you doesn’t mean I’m not thinking about you.”  What gives? How can …

It's important to take a chance and ask hard questions if shy about intimacy

Asking the Hard Questions (even if it scares you)

As we wove through the dark valleys of the Pacific Northwest Cascade mountains, our headlights slicing a softly lit path for us on the freeway, I read another question. “Who do you believe your partner will help you become?” Jared and I were driving back from our weekend in Idaho and left especially late to try and avoid Labor Day traffic. It was almost midnight. We’d rode in calm silence for several hours, but then I asked if we wanted to answer some premarital type questions. You know, things you’re supposed to talk about before getting married. Our wedding is still months away, but it’s going to approach faster than a bug on a windshield. So we’re trying to be proactive. And this means answering the hard questions. Questions about finances, having children, in-laws, finances and finances. When you choose to intertwine your life with someone, regardless of a marriage certificate, you need to start asking the hard questions both of the person you’re with and of yourself. Years before, when I was dating a man …

Hattie C Cooper talks about why she hasn't been writing lately

An Explanation for Why I Haven’t Been Writing

When I write, I write about myself. Even if the poem is about an astronaut, it’s about me. Even if it’s about Harry Houdini, Poland, a prison break, the Zodiac Killer, the poem is about me. And, almost always, me in an intimate relationship. I’m never embarrassed to reveal things about myself. To share intimate details. I like putting myself down on paper in new ways that allow me to try and understand how I’m connecting (or not connecting ) with the people around me. But then something happened: I actually connected. For the first time I’m in a real, future-focused, relationship with a man. And I’ve stopped writing. I find it interesting. For the first time I am acutely aware of how my writing could make someone else feel. The way I used to write was always safe – the only person I was exploring or exposing or manipulating was myself or men who had already exited my life. When I wrote about myself in a relationship, that relationship had already ended or was …