All posts tagged: New Relationships

Ask What You Want Wednesday: Holiday Distance Anxiety

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Nearly two weeks ago I started spending time with a very lovely man who I met through mutual friends. Being with him is wonderful. He is very calm, kind, and we don’t stop talking. I feel as though I’m falling for him very quickly. Now, over the holidays, all I have to rely on for contact are very sparse texts. I’m an avid texter, and he’s not. I’ve heard this is just how he is and his friends all have difficulty getting in touch with him. Waiting for him to respond to me is torture. Having anxiety alongside feeling strongly for him very fast, then facing separation over the holidays has been an absolute nightmare. Dating and the holidays as separate concepts are bad enough for the anxious, but both together are horrific.   Do you have any advice on how I can chill the heck out over Christmas and trust that it will work out if it’s meant to? Okay, let me tell you right here right now THIS IS SUCH A COMMON EXPERIENCE. Not only do the holidays bring …

15 Reasons It’s So Damn Scary to Fall in Love

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1.If you grow to love someone deeply, to start building a life with them, to trust them, depend on them, believe in them, and dream with them, then you are at risk of losing everything. 2. Being vulnerable with someone is like being a crab without its shell who is then expected to cross an eight-lane highway during rush hour. 3. A dear friend of mine lost her father to a sudden heart attack while we were still in high school. Years later, I don’t recall how it came up, but she said she was afraid of truly falling in love since she has seen how painful it is when you lose it. I think of this a lot. 4. Falling in love can be a one-sided fall. You might think you’re riding a tandem bike, autumn leaves swirling magically around you both as you laugh at the wind trying to pull your hair free from a soft-knitted cap. But then you look over your shoulder and realize you’re riding the two-person bike all by yourself. 5. I wish …

Ask What You Want Wednesday: Don’t Want to Ruin a Good Thing

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I’m currently seeing this guy and we just started seeing each other. I have GAD and take medicine for it. I keep reading into things too much and I don’t know how to control it. I don’t want him to think I need constant reassurance either. When we’re together he is the sweetest guy and I feel so important to him, but when we talk on the phone I think I read too much into things. I don’t want to ruin a possibly good thing because of my anxiety. Thank you for sending in these thoughts…being concerned about ruining a good thing could be the title of my autobiography “Don’t Want to Ruin a Good Thing: The Adventures of Hattie C. Cooper and Her Irritable Bowel.”  But in all seriousness, you are not alone in this concern OR in the habit of reading into things. Usually when we read into things it is because of uncertainty. When you’re new to a relationship there are a lot of unknowns still. And one of the biggest unknowns, and …

What to talk about on a coffee first date if anxious or shy or nervous

5 Things You Can Talk About On a First Date (even if you’re nervous)

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Does the idea of a first date make you feel like a slippery fish is trying to climb up your esophagus? When someone says to you, “just ask them out!” do you want to shout back “THAT MEANS I’LL HAVE TO TALK TO THEM” You’re not alone in finding even the thought of a first date as scary as a clown who doesn’t blink. First dates often feel so daunting because of the horrible, yet necessary, small-talk that is usually required. Sitting, staring, running through the usual questions like, What do you do? How long have you lived in this city? How many siblings do you have? When did you last pick your nose? Here are 5 conversation topics you can use, even if you’re nervous for that first date: Hometown: Ask about where they grew up. You can find out if they liked it, disliked it, miss it, etc. This is a good way to learn a little more of what “home” means to the other person. Dream Job: Instead of simply talking about …

Ask What You Want Wednesday | New Relationship Confusion

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I just started dating this guy that I really like and at first we talked all the time now he’s gotten really busy with work and life and we barely talk not to mention he lives like an hour away, its driving my anxiety thru the roof. I don’t know how to get him to understand this or what to do I need HELP! It sounds like there has been a miscommunication about what each of you defines as “dating.” It’s so understandable that your anxiety would be escalated by his behavior. If your expectation for a significant other is for them to be present, to talk with you about your days, and make an effort to frequently see you (regardless of distance), then the reality of the situation is understandably frustrating for you. However, if his expectation is that a relationship is more flexible and his partner understands that he’s busy and has a life outside the relationship, then he might be confused by your reaction to his behavior. The best thing you can …