All posts tagged: Over-analyzing

Ask What You Want Wednesday: Endless Texting Anxiety

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I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 4 months now and no matter what I do, I cannot shake this constant anxiety over his texts. Now, it’s not like I don’t see this dude in person. I see him a solid 3-4X a week. I spend the entire weekend at his house. However, I instantly freak out when I don’t get a goodnight text or a good morning text. I constantly overanalyze his texts and question if he still wants to be with me or not. Then, lo and behold, I see him in person and he’s lovey dovey and great. I don’t bring up my pure panic when it comes to texting because it’s not his job to change who he is to make me feel better, especially when it comes to something so silly as texts. He and I have talked about his texting and he knows he is less than stellar and just says “Baby, just because I’m not texting you doesn’t mean I’m not thinking about you.”  What gives? How can …

Why you need to listen to your intuition when anxious or nervous about dating someone new

Why You Need to Pay Attention to Your Gut When Dating Someone New

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“He’s just a little insecure and doesn’t know how to confidently show he’s interested in me,” I explained to my roommate. I was twenty-one, hardcore crushing on a computer science major who also played the banjo, and justifying my ass off for why he wasn’t returning any of my text messages. I was also ignoring my gut. As I sat on our faded plaid armchair, the one that was in this dilapidated college-house when we moved in, I kept repeating that he was just shy. Nervous. Awkward. A computer genius. As a person with anxiety, I was well-equipped to over-analyze everything he’d ever said or done. While this may have all been true (he was sort of shy, awkward, and intelligent with computers) it was also true that he was not responding to my text messages. And no amount of hypothesizing (maybe he’s practicing his banjo and can’t hear his phone!!??) changed this fact. It is easy to try and see what we want to see. To weave elaborate backstories for why someone is treating us …

Ask What You Want Wednesday | Pre-Date Anxiety

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Dear Hattie: A guy I haven’t talked to in person has just asked me out for coffee. We haven’t even named a date yet and my anxiety is driving me nuts and it’s all I’m thinking about. It’s really making me want to just cancel just to make it stop. Before anything, start by reminding yourself that you are in control of your choices. You always have the freedom to cancel or decide against going. But next remind yourself that you have a responsibility to yourself towards growth. It’s often easier, especially when it comes to our anxiety, to stay comfortable and avoid situations that heighten our anxiety. This situation is full of the unknown. This is probably where the majority of the anxiety is coming from. If you’ve never spoken to this person, let alone spent time one on one in a coffee shop having to talk and be a normal human being, it’s almost entirely full of the unknowns. This is very very scary. If you can, try and go to the coffee …

How to talk to a crush if you're nervous shy or scared

Three Minutes of Terror: Starting a Conversation

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When I took Speech 101 I learned that on the list of things most feared by humans, fear of public speaking is ranked above fear of death. What? Yep. And here’s what sucks: you usually have to talk when you’re on a date. Which, for someone with anxiety, is a horrifying thought. This is why, before anything, I always tell people they can opt to see a movie on a first date instead of grabbing coffee. If the idea of a first date makes you want to puke your guts out, find another option. It will allow you to get over the first date jitters and allow yourself to adjust and see you won’t die while on a date. During Speech 101 the teacher discussed the fight or flight reaction. When encountering a situation that is scary to us (public speaking, dating, talking to someone cute) our bodies automatically jump into fight or flight mode. Sweating, difficulty breathing, nausea, jumbled thoughts…basically our bodies betray us when we most need to be “cool.” But, here’s the …

Ask What You Want Wednesday | Post-Date Anxiety

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Can anxious people ever survive the stage of dating that happens after dates 1-2, but before a relationship is officially called? That to me is the greatest time of uncertainty and is just UNBEARABLE with anxiety. It is understandable that you experience the greatest amount of anxiety not before the very first date, but two, three, four dates in. This is a hazy, grey, area just full of over-analyzing every detail. Because now you’ve sort of started to get to know the person. And you’re sort of started trying to figure out whether or not you want to pursue anything with them but you’re not positive they want to too, but then again maybe if they did you wouldn’t want to and that’d be equally awkward and and…. Our obsessive thoughts can lead to us beating ourselves up. We wish we could “just stop.” We invalidate ourselves by telling ourselves we’re being silly. Or we start contemplating backing out completely from the entire experience. Instead of wishing you could stop your thoughts, take a step back …