All posts tagged: Romance

Table for Four: Ditching the judging, critical, killjoy

I have this analogy that every time you’re on a date with someone there are actually four people sitting at that table. No, I’m not Cybil, just hear me out. So naturally, all us blessed with higher than normal anxiety have a constantly running inner dialogue. Hopefully you’re getting better at limiting just how much that inner voice is criticizing you, but let’s be honest usually it’s pointing out ways you’re making a fool of yourself. So while we’re going about our own daily lives, waiting in line at Starbucks, rushing to NOT miss the bus, we’re living in a reality with dual selves. There’s the outward appearance we show to the world, one we painstakingly work to try and make appear as ‘cool’ and normal as possible and then the inner, mental, persona who is the one planning and working it’s butt off to keep ‘outward you’ from making a total fool of yourself. To give examples, appearance you is the one walking down the street, cool, calm, collected and totally confident. At the …

Hattie C Cooper talks about why she hasn't been writing lately

An Explanation for Why I Haven’t Been Writing

When I write, I write about myself. Even if the poem is about an astronaut, it’s about me. Even if it’s about Harry Houdini, Poland, a prison break, the Zodiac Killer, the poem is about me. And, almost always, me in an intimate relationship. I’m never embarrassed to reveal things about myself. To share intimate details. I like putting myself down on paper in new ways that allow me to try and understand how I’m connecting (or not connecting ) with the people around me. But then something happened: I actually connected. For the first time I’m in a real, future-focused, relationship with a man. And I’ve stopped writing. I find it interesting. For the first time I am acutely aware of how my writing could make someone else feel. The way I used to write was always safe – the only person I was exploring or exposing or manipulating was myself or men who had already exited my life. When I wrote about myself in a relationship, that relationship had already ended or was …

Ask What You Want Wednesday | Post-Date Anxiety

Can anxious people ever survive the stage of dating that happens after dates 1-2, but before a relationship is officially called? That to me is the greatest time of uncertainty and is just UNBEARABLE with anxiety. It is understandable that you experience the greatest amount of anxiety not before the very first date, but two, three, four dates in. This is a hazy, grey, area just full of over-analyzing every detail. Because now you’ve sort of started to get to know the person. And you’re sort of started trying to figure out whether or not you want to pursue anything with them but you’re not positive they want to too, but then again maybe if they did you wouldn’t want to and that’d be equally awkward and and…. Our obsessive thoughts can lead to us beating ourselves up. We wish we could “just stop.” We invalidate ourselves by telling ourselves we’re being silly. Or we start contemplating backing out completely from the entire experience. Instead of wishing you could stop your thoughts, take a step back …