All posts tagged: Self-growth

If anxious about taking new steps while dating

Why We Struggle to Take New Steps

Taking new steps in life, steps that may require boldness or courage, are not always easy. And while external factors may be part of what holds us back (finances, family, job constraints) it is often our very selves that prove to be a roadblock. Maybe you want to talk to that cute girl in the grocery store. Or apply for a job you really want. Or you want to write a book. Do you hear the negative voices in your head? Do you feel the knee-jerk reaction to follow your usual routine? Do you find comfort in familiarity? Oftentimes, we are our biggest hindrance to taking risks. For three years I kept saying I wanted to write a romance novel. In High School I went through a phase where I read a Nora Roberts book a day. Not kidding. I consumed NR like a vacuum cleaner moving across her section of the used bookstore. At the age of 15, I “wrote” my “first romance novel.” It was short, immature, and terrible. But it was also …

When making a scary decision release them like a balloon and find courage

5 Tips for Finding Courage (I recently made a scary decision)

1) Feel the Decision I can’t emphasize this enough: try to understand how you feel about a decision or situation. Not what you think you should feel. Or what you think others will feel. How do you feel? In your gut? In your heart? When you think of the situation, how do you feel physically? If you need a more concrete exercise write down all the adjectives you associate with your situation. 2) Learn to Categorize those Feelings Once you’ve started to figure out how you feel, then break it down even further. For example, one of the emotions I’m having is “fear.” But I don’t want that fear to control me or dictate the direction I’m taking. I want to understand where that fear is coming from. Here’s some of it: Fear of not finding another part-time job. Fear of my family being disappointed in me. Fear of not being able to pay my bills. Fear of not finding time to write. This allows me to see that, while I’m feeling afraid of making this change, …

Table for Four: Ditching the judging, critical, killjoy

I have this analogy that every time you’re on a date with someone there are actually four people sitting at that table. No, I’m not Cybil, just hear me out. So naturally, all us blessed with higher than normal anxiety have a constantly running inner dialogue. Hopefully you’re getting better at limiting just how much that inner voice is criticizing you, but let’s be honest usually it’s pointing out ways you’re making a fool of yourself. So while we’re going about our own daily lives, waiting in line at Starbucks, rushing to NOT miss the bus, we’re living in a reality with dual selves. There’s the outward appearance we show to the world, one we painstakingly work to try and make appear as ‘cool’ and normal as possible and then the inner, mental, persona who is the one planning and working it’s butt off to keep ‘outward you’ from making a total fool of yourself. To give examples, appearance you is the one walking down the street, cool, calm, collected and totally confident. At the …