All posts tagged: Self-Worth

Ask What You Want Wednesday: Don’t Want to Ruin a Good Thing

I’m currently seeing this guy and we just started seeing each other. I have GAD and take medicine for it. I keep reading into things too much and I don’t know how to control it. I don’t want him to think I need constant reassurance either. When we’re together he is the sweetest guy and I feel so important to him, but when we talk on the phone I think I read too much into things. I don’t want to ruin a possibly good thing because of my anxiety. Thank you for sending in these thoughts…being concerned about ruining a good thing could be the title of my autobiography “Don’t Want to Ruin a Good Thing: The Adventures of Hattie C. Cooper and Her Irritable Bowel.”  But in all seriousness, you are not alone in this concern OR in the habit of reading into things. Usually when we read into things it is because of uncertainty. When you’re new to a relationship there are a lot of unknowns still. And one of the biggest unknowns, and …

Be confident even if you're shy or nervous or anxious

How to Gain More Confidence (and why it’s so damn hard to achieve)

Anxious people are, by nature, critical thinkers. As in, we are able to analyze a lot of details all at once. Back when I taught college composition I drilled the importance of critical thinking into my students like a pizza chef pounding fresh dough mercilessly. I basically would spend the entire semester shrieking “You only have one life and you better be a critical thinker in this world!!” (Reminder: the word “critical” isn’t used in the negative connotation here. It means you are objectively analyzing something to form an opinion). However, because anxiety generates a LOT of critical thinking skills it is often VERY difficult for people with anxiety to develop any kind of genuine self-confidence. Why? Because we are too damn smart. Haha no wait, sorry, I know that’s reductive and petty what I meant to say was we are really really skilled at seeing the grey areas of life and the positives and negatives of a situation and therefore understand nothing is perfect. But this includes ourselves. For example, say something stupid? Now you get to …

How to be smart and act smart even if have anxiety

Look Smart, Act Smart, Feel Smart, Be Smart

In Junior High a friend of mine bought a new pair of glasses. The glasses had black frames, were chic, and they were 100% fake. The lenses were straight-up plastic. And I envied her like other girl’s my age envied the choker-clad models in dELiA*s catalogs (RIP). I’ve always loved the look of glasses. This friend came to school with her new, not-even-close-to-being-necessary glasses and started jokingly saying the phrase “Look smart, act smart, feel smart, be smart” and by God that saying has stuck with me for over fifteen years. It’s one of my favorite sayings along with “THE SWEET CREAM RISES TO THE TOP” (*said with a shaking fist*). I struggle with self-confidence. Due to my superhuman power of being as sensitive as a peach with no skin rolling down the hill into a rock quarry, I am easily bruised. My confidence is shaken in a light breeze. Since I’ve spent a fair amount of time during both my childhood and adult life in a state of worry (aka ALL the time) I’ve …

Anxiety driven by beliefs fear shy nervous

Getting to the Bottom of Things: How Core Beliefs Can Drive Anxiety

Recently I’ve been giving a lot of thought to the idea of feeling worthy. Whether it’s feeling worthy of love, of career success, of a certain duty or task or obligation, or feeling worthy of a good life. Everyone is worthy of living a good life, no matter what your definition of “good” ends up being, and yet a lot of us struggle to truly feel worthy. A few months ago I started going to therapy. Have I told you guys this yet? I’ve blogged about therapy before, mainly that I attempted to see a therapist a few times on my college campus to discuss the ways I was struggling with dating. The first therapist was a man and *spoiler alert* I lied my ass off during my first session with him. I think I even told him I had a boyfriend and “things were going great.” No joke. It was hilarious and sad. No wait, it was just sad. The second therapist I tried to see brought up medication by the end of our …

Ask What You Want Wednesday | Starting Over

I have very recently ended a relationship of two+ years. We both knew near the end things were not going as they were before. He moved away due to his career and that is what amplified our problems. We were forced to talk more which neither of us are good at. Pulled out of comfort zones. He avoided and I clung. In the end he put his foot down and it likely was for the best. I’m going through intense “emdr” therapy to hopefully work through past traumas. He was my best friend and partner. He was my main support. I’m in a new city away from family for my career. I absolutely love my job and will not leave it. Though I want to move back home and hide away. I feel lost, my routine is mixed up and nothing feels solid anymore. We both are to “blame” for the relationship not working. We openly spoke about wanting different things, though I still feel I wanted to make it work. I cannot force someone …