All posts tagged: Taking new steps

How to be smart and act smart even if have anxiety

Look Smart, Act Smart, Feel Smart, Be Smart

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In Junior High a friend of mine bought a new pair of glasses. The glasses had black frames, were chic, and they were 100% fake. The lenses were straight-up plastic. And I envied her like other girl’s my age envied the choker-clad models in dELiA*s catalogs (RIP). I’ve always loved the look of glasses. This friend came to school with her new, not-even-close-to-being-necessary glasses and started jokingly saying the phrase “Look smart, act smart, feel smart, be smart” and by God that saying has stuck with me for over fifteen years. It’s one of my favorite sayings along with “THE SWEET CREAM RISES TO THE TOP” (*said with a shaking fist*). I struggle with self-confidence. Due to my superhuman power of being as sensitive as a peach with no skin rolling down the hill into a rock quarry, I am easily bruised. My confidence is shaken in a light breeze. Since I’ve spent a fair amount of time during both my childhood and adult life in a state of worry (aka ALL the time) I’ve …

What to talk about on a coffee first date if anxious or shy or nervous

5 Things You Can Talk About On a First Date (even if you’re nervous)

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Does the idea of a first date make you feel like a slippery fish is trying to climb up your esophagus? When someone says to you, “just ask them out!” do you want to shout back “THAT MEANS I’LL HAVE TO TALK TO THEM” You’re not alone in finding even the thought of a first date as scary as a clown who doesn’t blink. First dates often feel so daunting because of the horrible, yet necessary, small-talk that is usually required. Sitting, staring, running through the usual questions like, What do you do? How long have you lived in this city? How many siblings do you have? When did you last pick your nose? Here are 5 conversation topics you can use, even if you’re nervous for that first date: Hometown: Ask about where they grew up. You can find out if they liked it, disliked it, miss it, etc. This is a good way to learn a little more of what “home” means to the other person. Dream Job: Instead of simply talking about …

Are you feeling shy about intimacy or holding hands

Let’s Talk About How Seriously Intimate Holding Hands Feels

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To me, holding hands feels more intimate than kissing sometimes. When I first started dating, I felt more overwhelmed by the idea of holding hands than leaning forward and touching lips. The only way I can begin to understand this is through the duration. As in, a kiss has an endpoint. While yes sometimes kissing can be lengthy, drawn-out, and part of an entire makeout session, more often than not you move in, make it happen, then make your exit. When you hold hands, you are locked in. Connected. It’s a message to the outside world that this is the person who is spending their days with you. Plus, it’s way harder to run away from someone, laughing over your shoulder in a manic cackle, while they’re holding onto you. A few years back I remember talking to a friend who had recently come out of the closet to her family and friends. She tried to explain how, above everything else, the simple act of walking down the street holding hands with her girlfriend made her …

Nervous Shy Saying I Love You Anxious Dating

Why My Anxiety Makes it Difficult to Say “I Love You With All My Heart”

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While talking about the 5 Love Languages with my partner, he mentioned how he thinks “words of affirmation” is one of his love languages. He described how he was raised and how growing up his family always made a point to tell each other they loved one another. And I’ve noticed how true it is. They say it a lot and text it a lot, which has translated into our own relationship. We always say it before leaving for work. Before falling asleep. In text messages throughout the day. While sitting on the couch together. I love you, I love you, I love you like a revolving door out of which we hope to never step out. I feel both fortunate and scared by this. The knowledge that I am loved and that I love-in-return is difficult to process sometimes, especially when looking out into the world and knowing how reality can scratch something so seemingly shiny and beautiful. And, also, knowing how ugly the human heart can be. There came a time when I …

Taking New Steps Anxiety Anxious Dating Shy Nervous

Are Times of Transition Affecting Your Anxiety

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For several years in college I worked as a behavioral therapist for children on the Autism Spectrum. Transitions were often challenging for a lot of my students and we’d play games that helped develop coping skills to ease transition times. Transition times were often categorized by a time one activity needed to end in order for another to begin. For example, needing to come in from the backyard in order to eat dinner. Or needing to turn off the TV to go take a bath. Or bedtime. BEDTIME. Any parent knows that transitioning to bedtime can turn into a mind-battle more complex than the average game of chess. It is tough to transition to darkness. I’m almost thirty-years-old and it wasn’t until yesterday (seriously guys, 24hrs ago) that it struck me that I too struggle with transitions. And I always have. How about you? Do you notice your anxiety alway increasing at the end of summer breaks as the school year nears? Did you ever have to start a new job? Start a new school? …