All posts tagged: Taking new steps

Ask What You Want Wednesday | Long-Distance Texting

I am a 20 year old late bloomer with social anxiety that worsens over anything relating to romance. Now I have a guy I like that I think likes me back. We’ve been “talking” all summer via text because he’s got a job in a completely different state. I’m not sure what exactly I should be doing? Asking advice from my friends makes the anxiety worse because they think its funny that I struggle over the basics and make me feel like I’m a child or I’m doing something wrong…. First off, you are not alone in experiencing an increase in your anxiety over a possible budding relationship. Right now you are in a place where there are a lot of unknowns. You think he likes you back, he lives in a completely different state, and you’re not sure what you should do — of course your anxiety is going off the charts! That’s a lot of uncertainties to take on at once. I’m guessing you have other things going on in your life too, …

Ask What You Want Wednesday | Starting Over

I have very recently ended a relationship of two+ years. We both knew near the end things were not going as they were before. He moved away due to his career and that is what amplified our problems. We were forced to talk more which neither of us are good at. Pulled out of comfort zones. He avoided and I clung. In the end he put his foot down and it likely was for the best. I’m going through intense “emdr” therapy to hopefully work through past traumas. He was my best friend and partner. He was my main support. I’m in a new city away from family for my career. I absolutely love my job and will not leave it. Though I want to move back home and hide away. I feel lost, my routine is mixed up and nothing feels solid anymore. We both are to “blame” for the relationship not working. We openly spoke about wanting different things, though I still feel I wanted to make it work. I cannot force someone …

Ask What You Want Wednesday | The Age Factor

  I’m older now (like 32) and have never really even dated. Although, I’ve been in love with a lot of guy friends. I think I’m ready to try again but the only ones around me my type (either at work or college) are almost half my age. I even have a couple of buddies who are 18. Is it weird for an older female to consider dating guys 11 and 12 years younger? I honestly don’t know how to find people more my age who aren’t already taken, or stuck in a career, or out of my league.  When it comes to dating and age and what age group you “should” be dating, here’s how it works: if there are two consenting adults who both agree to trying out a relationship, that’s all that matters. End of story. But here’s what actually happens: external voices enter the situation. People’s opinions. Your own insecurities of what people might think. Will people judge? Will the relationship even last? etc etc There are plenty of relationships that …

If anxious about taking new steps while dating

Why We Struggle to Take New Steps

Taking new steps in life, steps that may require boldness or courage, are not always easy. And while external factors may be part of what holds us back (finances, family, job constraints) it is often our very selves that prove to be a roadblock. Maybe you want to talk to that cute girl in the grocery store. Or apply for a job you really want. Or you want to write a book. Do you hear the negative voices in your head? Do you feel the knee-jerk reaction to follow your usual routine? Do you find comfort in familiarity? Oftentimes, we are our biggest hindrance to taking risks. For three years I kept saying I wanted to write a romance novel. In High School I went through a phase where I read a Nora Roberts book a day. Not kidding. I consumed NR like a vacuum cleaner moving across her section of the used bookstore. At the age of 15, I “wrote” my “first romance novel.” It was short, immature, and terrible. But it was also …

Ask What You Want Wednesday | Stuck in the Friend Zone

  I’ve often found myself ending up being the “encouraging friend.” I don’t get pushy, I am very positive, but I often stay in the friend zone. I feel like it’s because of my awareness of their “quirks” as you call it…I am hoping for your perspective on this. This is a very common issue in the world of dating, one that every person at one time or another has experienced. I believe it comes down to authenticity. Sometimes, when we are fully there for someone and allow them (in a way) to use us for our listening ear or our compassion, we forget that a friendship or relationship is a two-way street. We forget that we ourselves are also deserving of someone to be there for us, that we are equally deserving of someone as encouraging as a friend. I believe people can sense when someone is holding something back — whether it’s frustration, confusion, or vulnerability. If you are going on dates and seeing a pattern of women placing you in a zone …