All posts tagged: Tips for dating someone with anxiety

Ask What You Want Wednesday | College Confidence

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I’ve always been insecure about my body but now I’ve started gaining the freshmen 15 since I just started college. I recently came out of the closet and am struggling with a LOT of nerves over talking with guys I find attractive since I’m not feeling attractive myself.  I think before anything you should pause a moment to feel proud of yourself for having the courage to not only A) head off to college, but B) also the courage to be true to yourself and taking the first steps in leading a future of honesty and self-respect. Neither of these steps are easy. And for both of them you deserve a great deal of compassion and warmth. You’ve been true. You have been brave. And college is always a transitional time, especially when it comes to our personal beliefs and perspectives. We are tested. We grow and change. This can apply to all areas of our lives: personal relationships, faith, family, interests, and of course, our body images. Learning to love and accept your body (at …

Ask What You Want Wednesday | Holidays With the Family

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I’m spending Thanksgiving with my girlfriend’s family for the first time…HELP! This is very exciting; for starters remind yourself that this is a great thing. It means your relationship is moving forward in a positive way. It means you will get a better glimpse into the world that helped shape your partner. But it also means your anxiety will probably be working in overdrive. Like I’ve advised before, I’ll remind you to fake it ’til you make it. This doesn’t mean you should be phony. Don’t become someone you’re not. Just become the best version of yourself you know you’re capable of being. Your girlfriend obviously cares about you and sees good in you, so make sure the family sees this too! So even if you want to curl up in a ball in the bathroom, or run screaming when you have to meet 5 uncles and 20 cousins, push yourself to smile. To shake hands. To say “it’s nice to meet you.” You can do it. If you start to feel anxious or fidgety, …

If nervous about first date how to survive even if anxious

Surviving the “Let’s Grab Coffee” First Date

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Previously I’ve written about avoiding coffee first dates — I’ve discussed taking walks or seeing a movie instead, but let’s face it: sometimes the coffee date is inevitable. Especially since, in our world today, a lot of the time we don’t really know if we’re being asked out on a date until someone says the phrase “do you want to grab coffee sometime?” We’ve been conditioned to know that, at the very least, the person asking the question is most likely slightly interested in being more than friends. Probably. So what now? Now that you’ve chosen the coffee shop. Maybe the Starbucks downtown, or a locally owned joint, or the coffee shop on your college campus. Now it’s planned. And it’s looming on the horizon. And oh-dear-god what in the name of all that is awkward are you going to wear?? Here are my top 10 tips for surviving the first coffee date. Go get ’em, you anxious, beautiful, people. 10 Tips for Surviving the “Let’s Grab Coffee” first date 1) Make a post-date plan that’s all your own. Whether it’s …

Adjusting to feeling anxious over dating

Give Yourself Time to Adjust

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Someone with Anxiety is a bit like a wild animal. What I mean is this: put them in a new environment and their instincts kick in, regardless if the instincts are necessary. You might panic. Or start sweating. You might desperately want to find an exit route. Wish you weren’t there. Feel twitchy. Miserable. Sick to your stomach. Imagine a raccoon suddenly thrown in the backseat of a car: he’ll probably go apeshit. Here’s what I always tell myself in new situations: wait it out. The problem with dating with anxiety is you put off even the smallest steps because it’s terrifying and exhausting. It’s easier to just stay in your world of certainty and routine. I know, even weeks and months into dating someone new, I’ve often longed for the days when I didn’t have to think about anyone else. But I tell myself to wait. Just breath. Wait. It’s important to push yourself a little to try new things, because then you can remind yourself to wait and see if you’ll eventually adjust. …

Coffee First Date if you're nervous shy anxious about dating

Avoiding the “Let’s Grab Coffee” First Date

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Three loathsome words to someone with Anxiety who is also trying to date: “Let’s grab coffee.” What seems like a harmless and casual date to most people, feels daunting to people with Anxiety. Grabbing coffee means you have to sit. And talk. And figure out what to do with your hands. And where to look with your eyes. How much eye contact is too much eye contact? What if it’s too loud and you can only hear 20% of the conversation so you spend the entire time fake-nodding and half-yeah’ing? Is it clear by this point…I am not a fan of the “casual coffee date.” Yet this is the go-to date for most first dates. I understand; it’s low-cost, low-stakes, and there’s no pressure to stick around too long if it isn’t going well. But good lord is it uncomfortable. I quickly learned that my anxiety didn’t mix well with grabbing coffee. So I had to learn what I could do. This is something we all should figure out for ourselves. My ideal first date? Going on …