All posts tagged: Uncertainty

Discussing Mental Health on a First Date

The New York Times recently shared a question that was sent to their “ethicist.” The reader is back on the dating scene again after ending a lengthy relationship. The reader also lives with a complex mental health past and is uncertain about when if/when to discuss this past when entering new relationships. What I love about this short little piece is that it acknowledges the grey area of getting close and intimate with another person. It explains: “on dates, convention holds, you’re not obliged to lead with your weaknesses. The best way for someone to see that you’re doing O.K. is not to assert it but to show it. AKA walk the walk, yo. Show what you are capable of on a day-to-day basis, let them see your best self. While you may feel your shadows are bigger than you, the truth is they only feel this way from your perspective. Remember you have a say in how you are perceived. You are writing your own story; make sure you’re the protagonist of it. However, the …

Ask What You Want Wednesday: Holiday Distance Anxiety

Nearly two weeks ago I started spending time with a very lovely man who I met through mutual friends. Being with him is wonderful. He is very calm, kind, and we don’t stop talking. I feel as though I’m falling for him very quickly. Now, over the holidays, all I have to rely on for contact are very sparse texts. I’m an avid texter, and he’s not. I’ve heard this is just how he is and his friends all have difficulty getting in touch with him. Waiting for him to respond to me is torture. Having anxiety alongside feeling strongly for him very fast, then facing separation over the holidays has been an absolute nightmare. Dating and the holidays as separate concepts are bad enough for the anxious, but both together are horrific.   Do you have any advice on how I can chill the heck out over Christmas and trust that it will work out if it’s meant to? Okay, let me tell you right here right now THIS IS SUCH A COMMON EXPERIENCE. Not only do the holidays bring …

Ask What You Want Wednesday: Endless Texting Anxiety

I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 4 months now and no matter what I do, I cannot shake this constant anxiety over his texts. Now, it’s not like I don’t see this dude in person. I see him a solid 3-4X a week. I spend the entire weekend at his house. However, I instantly freak out when I don’t get a goodnight text or a good morning text. I constantly overanalyze his texts and question if he still wants to be with me or not. Then, lo and behold, I see him in person and he’s lovey dovey and great. I don’t bring up my pure panic when it comes to texting because it’s not his job to change who he is to make me feel better, especially when it comes to something so silly as texts. He and I have talked about his texting and he knows he is less than stellar and just says “Baby, just because I’m not texting you doesn’t mean I’m not thinking about you.”  What gives? How can …

If you're scared of not finding a relationship or are running out of time

If You’re Afraid All The Good Ones Are Taken

I visited my California hometown a few weeks ago where, unlike the weather in Seattle, temperatures reached the mid-80’s. It was crazy…let’s just say my deodorant was working overtime. A friend from high school and I sat on a blanket in a downtown park as geese waddled past us and screaming children chased after a Frisbee. We lounged on the blanket, stared up at the green trees, and inevitably found ourselves talking about relationships. My friend recently left a seven year relationship and was back on the market. As she talked through her recent experience she started voicing fears. “It feels like all the good ones are taken at this point,” she said with a degree of exhaustion. “The only single guys left are the weirdos.” I pointed out that she was single and beyond awesome, which means there are equally awesome single men out there. There are people who have recently left a relationship that weren’t quite the perfect fit, learned a lot from that relationship, and are now ready to meet someone new. …

Penis Self Conscious Body Image

On the Eve of a Bachelorette Party, Let’s Contemplate the Penis

Guys, do you have any idea how many phallic-shaped objects you can buy? And do you know how many of them have smiley faces on them? I’m flying home to California this weekend to attend a bachelorette party for one of my best girl friends. I want to bring her a present. When I thought of what to buy her, my immediate thought was: I gotta buy her something penis shaped. This is an odd thought to have especially when you’re sitting on the couch next to your significant other, the TV quietly playing reruns of Friends, with your housecat nestling between you. The scene looks common and innocent to the naked eye, yet the girl on the couch, the one wearing glasses while staring blankly at the window, is actually thinking what can you find penis shaped, maybe we can get her a penis scarf or maybe a penis hat? Penis glasses? Penis socks penispenispenispenis The penis baffles me. I tell my partner this all the time. Like, I’m really puzzled by it because it is …