All posts tagged: Uncertainty

Ask What You Want Wednesday | Starting Over

I have very recently ended a relationship of two+ years. We both knew near the end things were not going as they were before. He moved away due to his career and that is what amplified our problems. We were forced to talk more which neither of us are good at. Pulled out of comfort zones. He avoided and I clung. In the end he put his foot down and it likely was for the best. I’m going through intense “emdr” therapy to hopefully work through past traumas. He was my best friend and partner. He was my main support. I’m in a new city away from family for my career. I absolutely love my job and will not leave it. Though I want to move back home and hide away. I feel lost, my routine is mixed up and nothing feels solid anymore. We both are to “blame” for the relationship not working. We openly spoke about wanting different things, though I still feel I wanted to make it work. I cannot force someone …

Ask What You Want Wednesday | The Age Factor

  I’m older now (like 32) and have never really even dated. Although, I’ve been in love with a lot of guy friends. I think I’m ready to try again but the only ones around me my type (either at work or college) are almost half my age. I even have a couple of buddies who are 18. Is it weird for an older female to consider dating guys 11 and 12 years younger? I honestly don’t know how to find people more my age who aren’t already taken, or stuck in a career, or out of my league.  When it comes to dating and age and what age group you “should” be dating, here’s how it works: if there are two consenting adults who both agree to trying out a relationship, that’s all that matters. End of story. But here’s what actually happens: external voices enter the situation. People’s opinions. Your own insecurities of what people might think. Will people judge? Will the relationship even last? etc etc There are plenty of relationships that …

Why worrying about the unknowns is like turning your back on the ocean

Why Worrying About “What Ifs” Can Ruin Your Dating Life

It is difficult for some of us to trust happiness. If you’re anything like me, you find yourself waiting for the other shoe to drop when life is going well. Hopefully, this comes from a balanced understanding that life is a beautiful blend of both light and dark, positive and negative. Without one we can’t learn to appreciate or understand the other. However, sometimes we can find ourselves focusing too closely on the negative or obsessing about what could possibly go wrong. I don’t remember the first time I visited the ocean. Growing up in northern California I know our family trips to the coast were frequent and I know the scent of salt water still makes me homesick. But I don’t remember when I first touched the frothy edge of a wave or watched a seagull catch a strip of wind. One thing I do remember, clearly, is the phrase my father drilled into my older sister and myself. My father had been a member of the US Coast Guard and, therefore, knew the …

If scared to speak you fears in relationship

Speak Your Fears in Your Relationship

I’m afraid of the woods at night. I’m afraid of being stuck on a plane, on a tarmac, for hours on end. I’m afraid of getting diarrhea in a place where there’s no restroom. I’m afraid of falling in the shower. I was a fearful child and I am still a fearful adult. I’ve always found ease in vocalizing my fears and insecurities, or, I did until I ended up in a long-term committed relationship. For some reason I was afraid (see? even more fear) to say some things out loud. Particularly, my fears for our relationship. To physically release the thoughts, to sit and listen to them coming out of my mouth, felt dangerous. As if the words themselves would cling to the walls of our home, spawn, multiply, infect the very air we breath every day. I am a firm believer in identifying areas of your life you want to improve, making a plan for how to approach these changes, then moving forward boldly. I believe change and positive growth is possible. We, …