All posts tagged: Vulnerability

Social Media Sometimes Makes Me Feel Miserable, So I Took a Break

Back in June I started to notice something every time I logged onto Twitter: it made me feel terrible. I would scroll, I would watch, and I would feel so so lost. But I am a blogger. I am a writer. I am expected to “build my brand” as an online presence. I need a “platform.” I need to be conscious of my accessibility, my persona, and my level of likability. I’m supposed to gain copious followers. I’m supposed to prove my popularity by my retweets, my likes, my finger on the pulse of the youth. There is so much potential with social media. And I’m the first to acknowledge that it’s done wonders for our ability to share, engage, and help move important causes forward (as well as the all-important abundance of cat videos). This year has felt rough though, as far as what is going on in the world. While every year, in the history of years, has it’s collections of tragedies, injustices, disasters, and sadness, I’ve felt the weight of 2016 a little …

I Hung Out With a Friend While He Tried to Work Up Courage to Tell a Girl She Was Pretty and MAN It Was Stressful

We hovered around him like buzzards surrounding a fresh carcass. “Just get in and get out,” Friend 1 shouted at him. “It’ll be over so fast!” Friend 2 added. “Come on, don’t chicken out,” Friend 3 contributed. “If you don’t do this then you’re dead to me!” Friend 4 screamed, spittle flying from their mouth and also I should mention Friend 4 was me. We were out at a bar for our friend’s 24th birthday. The rest of the group, myself included, had a mean age that fell in the 30 – 35 age bracket. However, we’d all met and bonded at the same dark, cramped bar here in Seattle, all rooting for the same English soccer team. They are friendships formed over shared hatreds of opposing teams and shared beers at 6am kickoffs. Our spring chicken of a friend, the one now turning 24, will sometimes talk about crushes with us at the bar, girls he might find cute or intriguing. We tend to grill him, digging furiously through his hesitant collection of information, foraging …

Discussing Mental Health on a First Date

The New York Times recently shared a question that was sent to their “ethicist.” The reader is back on the dating scene again after ending a lengthy relationship. The reader also lives with a complex mental health past and is uncertain about when if/when to discuss this past when entering new relationships. What I love about this short little piece is that it acknowledges the grey area of getting close and intimate with another person. It explains: “on dates, convention holds, you’re not obliged to lead with your weaknesses. The best way for someone to see that you’re doing O.K. is not to assert it but to show it. AKA walk the walk, yo. Show what you are capable of on a day-to-day basis, let them see your best self. While you may feel your shadows are bigger than you, the truth is they only feel this way from your perspective. Remember you have a say in how you are perceived. You are writing your own story; make sure you’re the protagonist of it. However, the …

15 Reasons It’s So Damn Scary to Fall in Love

1.If you grow to love someone deeply, to start building a life with them, to trust them, depend on them, believe in them, and dream with them, then you are at risk of losing everything. 2. Being vulnerable with someone is like being a crab without its shell who is then expected to cross an eight-lane highway during rush hour. 3. A dear friend of mine lost her father to a sudden heart attack while we were still in high school. Years later, I don’t recall how it came up, but she said she was afraid of truly falling in love since she has seen how painful it is when you lose it. I think of this a lot. 4. Falling in love can be a one-sided fall. You might think you’re riding a tandem bike, autumn leaves swirling magically around you both as you laugh at the wind trying to pull your hair free from a soft-knitted cap. But then you look over your shoulder and realize you’re riding the two-person bike all by yourself. 5. I wish …

Hattie C Cooper talks about why she hasn't been writing lately

An Explanation for Why I Haven’t Been Writing

When I write, I write about myself. Even if the poem is about an astronaut, it’s about me. Even if it’s about Harry Houdini, Poland, a prison break, the Zodiac Killer, the poem is about me. And, almost always, me in an intimate relationship. I’m never embarrassed to reveal things about myself. To share intimate details. I like putting myself down on paper in new ways that allow me to try and understand how I’m connecting (or not connecting ) with the people around me. But then something happened: I actually connected. For the first time I’m in a real, future-focused, relationship with a man. And I’ve stopped writing. I find it interesting. For the first time I am acutely aware of how my writing could make someone else feel. The way I used to write was always safe – the only person I was exploring or exposing or manipulating was myself or men who had already exited my life. When I wrote about myself in a relationship, that relationship had already ended or was …